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Ten Books in Three Series

Three books under the title of “An Objectively Impartial
Criticism of the Life of Man,” or, “Beelzebub’s tales to his

Three books under the common title of “Meetings with
Remarkable Men.”

Four books under the common title of “Life is Real Only
Then, When ‘I Am.’”

All written according to entirely new principles of logical reasoning
and strictly directed towards the solution of the following three
cardinal problems:

FIRST SERIES: To destroy, mercilessly, without any compromises whatsoever,
in the mentation and feelings of the reader, the beliefs and
views, by centuries rooted in him, about everything existing in the

SECOND SERIES: To acquaint the reader with the material required for
a new creation and to prove the soundness and good quality of it.

THIRD SERIES: To assist the arising, in the mentation and in the feelings
of the reader, of a veritable, non- fantastic representation not
of that illusory world which he now perceives, but of the world
existing in reality.

                  Friendly Advice
[Written impromptu by the author on delivering this
book, already prepared for publication, to the printer.]

ACCORDING TO the numerous deductions and conclusions made by
me during experimental elucidations concerning the productivity
of the perception by contemporary people of new impressions
from what is heard and read, and also according to the thought of
one of the sayings of popular wisdom I have just remembered,
handed down to our days from very ancient times, which declares:
 “Any prayer may be heard by the Higher Powers and a corresponding
answer obtained only if it is uttered thrice:
  Firstly—for the welfare or the peace of the souls of one’s parents.
  Secondly—for the welfare of one’s neighbor.
  And only thirdly—for oneself personally.”
I find it necessary on the first page of this book, quite ready for
publication, to give the following advice:
“Read each of my written expositions thrice:
Firstly—at least as you have already become mechanized to read
all your contemporary books and newspapers.
Secondly—as if you were reading aloud to another person.
And only thirdly—try and fathom the gist of my writings.”
Only then will you be able to count upon forming your own impartial
judgment, proper to yourself alone, on my writings. And
only then can my hope be actualized that according to your understanding
you will obtain the specific benefit for yourself which
I anticipate, and which I wish for you with all my being.

Ch 1 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 1

The Arousing of Thought    
 Among other convictions formed in my common presence during

my responsible, peculiarly composed life, there is one such
also—an indubitable conviction—that always and everywhere
on the earth, among people of every degree of development of
understanding and of every form of manifestation of the factors
which engender in their individuality all kinds of ideals, there is
acquired the tendency, when beginning anything new, unfailingly
to pronounce aloud or, if not aloud, at least mentally, that definite
utterance understandable to every even quite illiterate person,
which in different epochs has been formulated variously and
in our day is formulated in the following words: “In the name of
the Father and of the Son and in the name of the Holy Ghost.
That is why I now, also, setting forth on this venture quite new
for me, namely, authorship, begin by pronouncing this utterance
and moreover pronounce it not only aloud, but even very distinctly
and with a full, as the ancient Toulousites defined it, “wholly manifested
intonation”—of course with that fullness which can
arise in my entirety only from data already formed and thoroughly
rooted in me for such a manifestation; data which are in
general formed in the nature of man, by the way, during his preparatory
age, and later, during his responsible life engender in
him the ability for the manifestation of the nature and
vivifyingness of such an intonation.
Having thus begun, I can now be quite at ease, and should even,
according to the notions of religious morality existing among
contemporary people, be beyond all doubt assured that everything
further in this new venture of mine will now proceed, as is
said, “like a pianola.”
In any case I have begun just thus, and as to how the rest will go
I can only say meanwhile, as the blind man once expressed it,
“we shall see.”
First and foremost, I shall place my own hand, moreover the
right one, which—although at the moment it is slightly injured
owing to the misfortune which recently befell me—is nevertheless
really my own, and has never once failed me in all my life, on
my heart, of course also my own—but on the inconstancy or
constancy of this part of all my whole I do not find it necessary
here to expatiate—and frankly confess that I myself have personally
not the slightest wish to write, but attendant circumstances,
quite independent of me, constrain me to do so—and
whether these circumstances arose accidentally or were created
intentionally by extraneous forces, I myself do not yet know. I
know only that these circumstances bid me write not just anything
“so-so,” as, for instance, something of the kind for reading
oneself to sleep, but weighty and bulky tomes.
However that may be, I begin . . .
But begin with what?
Oh, the devil! Will there indeed be repeated that same exceedingly
unpleasant and highly strange sensation which it befell me
to experience when about three weeks ago I was composing in
my thoughts the scheme and sequence of the ideas destined by
me for publication and did not know then how to begin either?
This sensation then experienced I might now formulate in words
only thus: “the-fear-of-drowning-in-the-overflow-of-my-own-thoughts.”
To stop this undesirable sensation I might then still have had
recourse to the aid of that maleficent property existing also in
me, as in contemporary man, which has become inherent in all
of us, and which enables us, without
experiencing any remorse of conscience whatever, to put off
we wish to do “till tomorrow.”

I could then have done this very easily because before beginning
the actual writing, it was assumed that there was still lots of
time; but this can now no longer be done, and I must, without
fail, as is said, “even though I burst,” begin.
But with what indeed begin . . . ?
Hurrah! . . . Eureka!
Almost all the books I have happened to read in my life have
begun with a preface.
So in this case I also must begin with something of the kind.
I say “of the kind,” because in general in the process of my life,
from the moment I began to distinguish a boy from a girl, I have
always done everything, absolutely everything, not as it is done
by other, like myself, biped destroyers of Nature’s good. Therefore,
in writing now I ought, and perhaps am even on principle
already obliged, to begin not as any other writer would.
In any case, instead of the conventional preface I shall begin quite
simply with a Warning.
Beginning with a Warning will be very judicious of me, if only
because it will not contradict any of my principles, either organic,
psychic, or even “willful,” and will at the same time be quite honest—
of course, honest in the objective sense, because both I
myself and all others who know me well, expect with indubitable
certainty that owing to my writings there will entirely disappear
in the majority of readers, immediately and not gradually,
as must sooner or later, with time, occur to all people, all the
“wealth” they have, which was either handed down to them by
inheritance or obtained by their own labor, in the form of quieting
notions evoking only naive dreams,
and also beautiful representations of their lives at present as
as of their prospects in the future.

Professional writers usually begin such introductions with an
address to the reader, full of all kinds of bombastically magniloquent
and so to say “honeyed” and “inflated” phrases.
Just in this alone I shall follow their example and also begin with
such an address, but I shall try not to make it very “sugary” as
they usually do, owing particularly to their evil wiseacring by
which they titillate the sensibilities of the more or less normal
Thus ...
My dear, highly honored, strong-willed and of course very patient
Sirs, and my much-esteemed, charming, and impartial Ladies—
forgive me, I have omitted the most important—and my
in no wise hysterical Ladies!
I have the honor to inform you that although owing to circumstances
that have arisen at one of the last stages of the process
of my life, I am now about to write books, yet during the whole of
my life I have never written not only not books or various what are

called “instructive-articles,” but also not even a letter in which

it has been unfailingly necessary to observe what is called
“grammaticality,” and in consequence, although I am now about
to become a professional writer, yet having had no practice at all
either in respect of all the established professional rules and procedures
or in respect of what is called the “bon ton literary language,”
I am constrained to write not at all as ordinary “patented writers”
do, to the form of whose writing you have in all probability
become as much accustomed as to your own smell.
In my opinion the trouble with you, in the present instance, is
perhaps chiefly due to the fact that while still in childhood, there
was implanted in you and has now become ideally well harmonized
with your general psyche, an excellently working automatism
for perceiving all kinds
of new impressions, thanks to which “blessing” you have now,
during your
responsible life, no need of making any individual
effort whatsoever.
Speaking frankly, I inwardly personally discern the center of my
confession not in my lack of knowledge of all the rules and procedures
of writers, but in my nonpossession of what I have called
the “bon ton literary language,” infallibly required in contemporary
life not only from writers but also from every ordinary mortal.
As regards the former, that is to say, my lack of knowledge of
the different rules and procedures of writers, I am not greatly disturbed.
And I am not greatly disturbed on this account, because such
“ignorance” has already now become in the life of people also in
the order of things. Such a blessing arose and now flourishes
everywhere on Earth thanks to that extraordinary new disease
of which for the last twenty to thirty years, for some reason or
other, especially the majority of those persons from among all
the three sexes fall ill, who sleep with half-open eyes and whose
faces are in every respect fertile soil for the growth of every kind
of pimple.
This strange disease is manifested by this, that if the invalid is
somewhat literate and his rent is paid for three months in advance,
he (she or it) unfailingly begins to write either some “instructive
article” or a whole book.
Well knowing about this new human disease and its epidemical
spread on Earth, I, as you should understand, have the right
to assume that you have acquired, as the learned “medicos”
would say, “immunity” to it, and that you will therefore not be
palpably indignant at my ignorance of the rules and procedures
of writers.
This understanding of mine bids me inwardly to make the center
of gravity of my warning my ignorance of the literary language.
In self-justification, and also perhaps to diminish the
degree of the censure in your waking consciousness of my ignorance
of this language indispensable for contemporary life, I
consider it necessary to say, with a humble heart and cheeks
flushed with shame, that although I too was taught this language
in my childhood, and even though certain of my elders who prepared
me for responsible life, constantly forced me “without sparing
or economizing” any intimidatory means to “learn by rote”
the host of various “nuances” which in their totality compose this
contemporary “delight,” yet, unfortunately of course for you, of
all that I then learned by rote, nothing stuck and nothing whatsoever
has survived for my present activities as a writer.
And nothing stuck, as it was quite recently made clear to me,
not through any fault of mine, nor through the fault of my former
respected and nonrespected teachers, but this human labor was
spent in vain owing to one unexpected and quite exceptional
event which occurred at the moment of my appearance on God’s
Earth, and which was—as a certain occultist well known in Europe
explained to me after a very minute what is called
“psychophysico-astrological” investigation—that at that moment,
through the hole made in the windowpane by our crazy
lame goat, there poured the vibrations of sound which arose in
the neighbor’s house from an Edison phonograph, and the midwife
had in her mouth a lozenge saturated with cocaine of German
make, and moreover not “Ersatz,” and was sucking this lozenge
to these sounds without the proper enjoyment.
Besides from this event, rare in the everyday life of people, my
present position also arose because later on in my preparatory
and adult life—as, I must confess, I myself guessed after long reflections
according to the method of the German professor, Herr
Stumpsinschmausen—I always avoided instinctively as well as automatically
and at times even consciously, that is, on principle,
this language for intercourse with others. And from such a trifle,
and perhaps not a trifle, I manifested thus again thanks to three
data which were formed in my entirety during my preparatory
age, about which data I intend to inform you a little later in this
same first chapter of my writings.
However that may have been, yet the real fact, illuminated from
every side like an American advertisement, and which fact cannot
now be changed by any forces even with the knowledge of
the experts in “monkey business,” is that although I, who have
lately been considered by very many people as a rather good
teacher of temple dances, have now become today a professional
writer and will of course write a great deal—as it has been proper
to me since childhood whenever “I do anything to do a great
deal of it”—nevertheless, not having, as you see, the automatically
acquired and automatically manifested practice necessary
for this, I shall be constrained to write all I have thought out in
ordinary simple everyday language established by life, without
any literary manipulations and without any “grammarian
But the pot is not yet full! . . . For I have not yet decided the most
important question of all—in which language to write.
Although I have begun to write in Russian, nevertheless, as the
wisest of the wise, Mullah Nassr Eddin, would say, in that language
you cannot go far.
(Mullah Nassr Eddin, or as he is also called, Hodja Nassr Eddin,
is, it seems, little known in Europe and America, but he is very
well known in all countries of the continent of Asia; this legendary
personage corresponds to the American Uncle Sam or the
German Till Eulenspiegel. Numerous tales popular in the East, akin
to the wise sayings, some of long standing and others newly
arisen, were ascribed and are still ascribed to this Nassr Eddin.)
The Russian language, it cannot be denied, is very good. I even
like it, but . . . only for swapping anecdotes and for use in referring
to someone’s parentage.
The Russian language is like the English, which language is also
very good, but only for discussing in “smoking rooms,” while sitting
on an easy chair with legs outstretched on another, the topic
of Australian frozen meat or, sometimes, the Indian question.
Both these languages are like the dish which is called in Moscow
“Solianka,” and into which everything goes except you and
me, in fact everything you wish, and even the “after-dinner
Cheshma”* of Sheherazade.
It must also be said that owing to all kinds of accidentally and
perhaps not accidentally formed conditions of my youth, I have
had to learn, and moreover very seriously and of course always
with self-compulsion, to speak, read, and write a great many languages,
and to such a degree of fluency, that if, in following this
profession unexpectedly forced on me by Fate, I decided not to
take advantage of the “automatism” which is acquired by practice,
then I could perhaps write in any one of them.
But if I set out to use judiciously this automatically acquired
automatism which has become easy from long practice, then I
should have to write either in Russian or in Armenian, because
the circumstances of my life during the last two or three decades
have been such that I have had for intercourse with others to
use, and consequently to have more practice in, just these two
languages and to acquire an automatism in respect to them.
O the dickens! . . . Even in such a case, one of the aspects of my
peculiar psyche, unusual for the normal
man, has now already begun to torment the whole of me.
And the chief reason for this unhappiness of mine in my almost
already mellow age, results from the fact that since childhood
there was implanted in my peculiar psyche, together with numerous
other rubbish also unnecessary for contemporary life,
such an inherency as always and in everything automatically
enjoins the whole of me to act only according to popular wisdom.
In the present case, as always in similar as yet indefinite life cases,
there immediately comes to my brain—which is for me, constructed
unsuccessfully to the point of mockery—and is now as
is said, “running through” it that saying of popular wisdom which
existed in the life of people of very ancient times, and which has
been handed down to our day formulated in the following words:
“every stick always has two ends.”
In trying first to understand the basic thought and real significance
hidden in this strange verbal formulation, there must, in
my opinion, first of all arise in the consciousness of every more or
less sane-thinking man the supposition that, in the totality of
ideas on which is based and from which must flow a sensible
notion of this saying, lies the truth, cognized by people for centuries,
which affirms that every cause occurring in the life of man,
from whatever phenomenon it arises, as one of two opposite
effects of other causes, is in its turn obligatorily molded also into
two quite opposite effects, as for instance: if “something” obtained
from two different causes engenders light, then it must inevitably
engender a phenomenon opposite to it, that is to say, darkness;
or a factor engendering in the organism of a living creature
an impulse of palpable satisfaction also engenders without fail
nonsatisfaction, of course also palpable, and so on and so forth,
always and in everything.
Adopting in the same given instance this popular wisdom
formed by centuries and expressed by a stick, which, as was
said, indeed has two ends, one end of which is considered good
and the other bad, then if I use the aforesaid automatism which
was acquired in me thanks only to long practice, it will be for me
personally of course very good, but according to this saying, there
must result for the reader just the opposite; and what the opposite
of good is, even every nonpossessor of hemorrhoids must
very easily understand.
Briefly, if I exercise my privilege and take the good end of the
stick, then the bad end must inevitably fall “on the reader’s head.”
This may indeed happen, because in Russian the so to say “niceties”
of philosophical questions cannot be expressed, which questions
I intend to touch upon in my writings also rather fully,
whereas in Armenian, although this is possible, yet to the misfortune
of all contemporary Armenians, the employment of this language
for contemporary notions has now already become quite
In order to alleviate the bitterness of my inner hurt owing to
this, I must say that in my early youth, when I became interested
in and was greatly taken up with philological questions, I preferred
the Armenian language to all others I then spoke, even to
my native language.
This language was then my favorite chiefly because it was original
and had nothing in common with the neighboring or kindred
As the learned “philologists” say, all of its tonalities were peculiar
to it alone, and according to my understanding even then, it
corresponded perfectly to the psyche of the people composing
that nation.
But the change I have witnessed in that language during the
last thirty or forty years has been such, that instead of an original
independent language coming to us from the remote past, there
has resulted and now exists one,
which though also original and independent,
yet represents, as
might be said, a “kind of clownish potpourri of languages,”
totality of the consonances of which, falling on the ear of a more or
less conscious and understanding listener, sounds just like the

“tones” of Turkish, Persian, French, Kurd, and Russian words and
still other “indigestible” and inarticulate noises.
Almost the same might be said about my native language,
Greek, which I spoke in childhood and, as might be said, the “taste
of the automatic associative power of which” I still retain. I could
now, I dare say, express anything I wish in it, but to employ it for
writing is for me impossible, for the simple and rather comical
reason that someone must transcribe my writings and translate
them into the other languages. And who can do this?
It could assuredly be said that even the best expert of modern
Greek would understand simply nothing of what I should write
in the native language I assimilated in childhood, because, my
dear “compatriots,” as they might be called, being also inflamed
with the wish at all costs to be like the representatives of contemporary
civilization also in their conversation, have during these
thirty or forty years treated my dear native language just as the
Armenians, anxious to become Russian intelligentsia, have treated
That Greek language, the spirit and essence of which were transmitted
to me by heredity, and the language now spoken by contemporary
Greeks, are as much alike as, according to the expression
of Mullah Nassr Eddin, “a nail is like a requiem.”
What is now to be done?
Ah . . . me! Never mind, esteemed buyer of my wiseacrings. If
only there be plenty of French armagnac and “Khaizarian
bastourma,” I shall find a way out of even this difficult situation.
I am an old hand at this.

In life, I have so often got into difficult situations and out of them,
that this has become almost a matter of habit for me.
Meanwhile in the present case, I shall write partly in Russian
and partly in Armenian, the more readily because among those
people always “hanging around” me there are several who “cerebrate”
more or less easily in both these languages, and I meanwhile
entertain the hope that they will be able to transcribe and
translate from these languages fairly well for me.
In any case I again repeat—in order that you should well remember
it, but not as you are in the habit of remembering other
things and on the basis of which are accustomed to keeping your
word of honor to others or to yourself—that no matter what language
I shall use, always and in everything, I shall avoid what I
have called the “bon ton literary language.”
In this respect, the extraordinarily curious fact and one even in
the highest degree worthy of your love of knowledge, perhaps
even higher than your usual conception, is that from my earliest
childhood, that is to say, since the birth in me of the need to destroy
birds’ nests, and to tease my friends’ sisters, there arose in
my, as the ancient theosophists called it, “planetary body,” and
moreover, why I don’t know, chiefly in the “right half,” an instinctively
involuntary sensation, which right up to that period of my
life when I became a teacher of dancing, was gradually formed
into a definite feeling, and then, when thanks to this profession
of mine I came in contact with many people of different “types,”
there began to arise in me also the conviction with what is called
my “mind,” that these languages are compiled by people, or rather
“grammarians,” who are in respect of knowledge of the given
language exactly similar to those biped animals whom
the esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin characterizes by the words:
“All they can do is to wrangle with pigs about the quality of oranges.”
This kind of people among us who have been turned into, so to
say, “moths” destroying the good prepared and left for us by our
ancestors and by time, have not the slightest notion and have
probably never even heard of the screamingly obvious fact that,
during the preparatory age, there is acquired in the brain functioning
of every creature, and of man also, a particular and definite
property, the automatic actualization and manifestation of
which the ancient Korkolans called the “law of association,” and
that the process of the mentation of every creature, especially
man, flows exclusively in accordance with this law.
In view of the fact that I have happened here accidentally to
touch upon a question which has lately become one of my so to
speak “hobbies,” namely, the process of human mentation, I consider
it possible, without waiting for the corresponding place predetermined
by me for the elucidation of this question, to state
already now in this first chapter at least something concerning
that axiom which has accidentally become known to me, that
on Earth in the past it has been usual in every century that every
man, in whom there arises the boldness to attain the right to be
considered by others and to consider himself a “conscious
thinker,” should be informed while still in the early years of his
responsible existence that man has in general two kinds of mentation:
one kind, mentation by thought, in which words, always
possessing a relative sense, are employed; and the other kind,
which is proper to all animals as well as to man, which I would
call “mentation by form.”
The second kind of mentation, that is, “mentation by form,” by
which, strictly speaking, the exact sense of all
writing must be also perceived, and after conscious confrontation
with information already possessed, be assimilated, is
formed in people in dependence upon the conditions of geographical
locality, climate, time, and, in general, upon the whole
environment in which the arising of the given man has proceeded
and in which his existence has flowed up to manhood.
Accordingly, in the brains of people of different races and conditions
dwelling in different geographical localities, there are
formed about one and the same thing or even idea, a number of
quite independent forms, which during functioning, that is to say,
association, evoke in their being some sensation or other which
subjectively conditions a definite picturing, and which picturing
is expressed by this, that, or the other word, that serves only for
its outer subjective expression.
That is why each word, for the same thing or idea, almost always
acquires for people of different geographical locality and
race a very definite and entirely different so to say “inner content.”
In other words, if in the entirety of any man who has arisen and
been formed in any locality, from the results of the specific local
influences and impressions a certain “form” has been composed,
and this form evokes in him by association the sensation of a
definite “inner content,” and consequently of a definite picturing
or notion for the expression of which he employs one or another
word which has eventually become habitual, and as I have said,
subjective to him, then the hearer of that word, in whose being,
owing to different conditions of his arising and growth, there has
been formed concerning the given word a form of a different “inner
content,” will always perceive and of course infallibly understand
that same word in quite another sense.
This fact, by the way, can with attentive and impartial

observation be very clearly established when one is present at
an exchange of opinions between persons belonging to two different
races or who arose and were formed in different geographical
And so, cheerful and swaggering candidate for a buyer of my
wiseacrings, having warned you that I am going to write not as
“professional writers” usually write but quite otherwise, I advise
you, before embarking on the reading of my further expositions,
to reflect seriously and only then to undertake it. If not, I am afraid
for your hearing and other perceptive and also digestive organs
which may be already so thoroughly automatized to the “literary
language of the intelligentsia” existing in the present period
of time on Earth, that the reading of these writings of mine might
affect you very, very cacophonously, and from this you might lose
your . . . you know what? . . . your appetite for your favorite dish
and for your psychic specificness which particularly titillates your
“inside” and which proceeds in you on seeing your neighbor, the
For such a possibility, ensuing from my language, or rather,
strictly speaking, from the form of my mentation, I am, thanks to
oft-repeated past experiences, already quite as convinced with
my whole being as a “thoroughbred donkey” is convinced of the
right and justice of his obstinacy.
Now that I have warned you of what is most important, I am
already tranquil about everything further. Even if any misunderstanding
should arise on account of my writings, you alone will
be entirely to blame, and my conscience will be as clear as for
instance . . . the ex-Kaiser Wilhelm’s.
In all probability you are now thinking that I am, of course, a
young man with an auspicious exterior and, as some express it,
a “suspicious interior,” and that, as a
novice in writing, I am evidently intentionally being eccentric in
hope of becoming famous and thereby rich.

 If you indeed think so, then you are very, very mistaken.
 First of all, I am not young; I have already lived so much that I
have been in my life, as it is said, “not only through the mill but
through all the grindstones”; and secondly, I am in general not
writing so as to make a career for myself, or so as to plant myself,
as is said, “firm-footedly,” thanks to this profession, which, I must
add, in my opinion provides many openings to become a candidate
d-i-r-e-c-t for “Hell”—assuming of course that such people
can in general by their Being, perfect themselves even to that
extent, for the reason that knowing nothing whatsoever themselves,
they write all kinds of “claptrap” and thereby automatically
acquiring authority, they become almost one of the chief
factors, the totality of which steadily continues year by year, still
further to diminish the, without this, already extremely diminished
psyche of people.
And as regards my personal career, then thanks to all forces
high and low and, if you like, even right and left, I have actualized
it long ago, and have already long been standing on “firm feet”
and even maybe on very good feet, and I moreover am certain
that their strength is sufficient for many more years, in spite of all
my past, present, and future enemies.
Yes, I think you might as well be told also about an idea which
has only just arisen in my madcap brain, and namely, specially
to request the printer, to whom I shall give my first book, to print
this first chapter of my writings in such a way that anybody may
read it before cutting the pages of the book itself, whereupon, on
learning that it is not written in the usual manner, that is to say,
for helping to produce in one’s mentation, very smoothly and
easily, exciting images and lulling reveries, he may, if he wishes,
without wasting words with the bookseller, return it and get
his money back, money perhaps earned by the sweat of his own
I shall do this without fail, moreover, because I just now again
remember the story of what happened to a Transcaucasian Kurd,
which story I heard in my quite early youth and which in subsequent
years, whenever I recalled it in corresponding cases, engendered
in me an enduring and inextinguishable impulse of tenderness.
I think it will be very useful for me, and also for you, if

I relate this story to you somewhat in detail.
It will be useful chiefly because I have decided already to make
the “salt,” or as contemporary pure-blooded Jewish businessmen
would say, the “Tzimus” of this story, one of the basic principles
of that new literary form which I intend to employ for the attainment
of the aim I am now pursuing by means of this new profession
of mine.
This Transcaucasian Kurd once set out from his village on some
business or other to town, and there in the market he saw in a
fruiterer’s shop a handsomely arranged display of all kinds of
In this display, he noticed one “fruit,” very beautiful in both color
and form, and its appearance so took his fancy and he so longed
to try it, that in spite of his having scarcely any money, he decided
to buy without fail at least one of these gifts of Great Nature,
and taste it.
Then, with intense eagerness, and with a courage not customary
to him, he entered the shop and pointing with his horny finger
to the “fruit” which had taken his fancy he asked the shopkeeper
its price. The shopkeeper replied that a pound of the “fruit”
would cost two cents.
Finding that the price was not at all high for what in his opinion
was such a beautiful fruit, our Kurd decided to buy a whole
Having finished his business in town, he set off again on foot for
home the same day.
Walking at sunset over the hills and dales, and willy-nilly perceiving
the exterior visibility of those enchanting parts of the
bosom of Great Nature, the Common Mother, and involuntarily
inhaling a pure air uncontaminated by the usual exhalations of
industrial towns, our Kurd quite naturally suddenly felt a wish to
gratify himself with some ordinary food also; so sitting down by
the side of the road, he took from his provision bag some bread
and the “fruit” he had bought which had looked so good to him,
and leisurely began to eat.
But . . . horror of horrors! . . . very soon everything inside him
began to burn. But in spite of this he kept on eating.
And this hapless biped creature of our planet kept on eating,
thanks only to that particular human inherency which I mentioned
at first, the principle of which I intended, when I decided
to use it as the foundation of the new literary form I have created,
to make, as it were, a “guiding beacon” leading me to one of my
aims in view, and the sense and meaning of which moreover you
will, I am sure, soon grasp—of course according to the degree of
your comprehension—during the reading of any subsequent
chapter of my writings, if, of course, you take the risk and read
further, or, it may perhaps be that even at the end of this first
chapter you will already “smell” something.
And so, just at the moment when our Kurd was overwhelmed
by all the unusual sensations proceeding within him from this
strange repast on the bosom of Nature, there came along the
same road a fellow villager of his, one reputed by those who knew
him to be very clever and experienced; and, seeing that the whole
face of the Kurd was aflame, that his eyes were streaming with
tears, and
that in spite of this, as if intent upon the fulfillment
of his most
important duty, he was eating real “red pepper pods,” he said to
“What are you doing, you Jericho jackass? You’ll be burnt alive!
Stop eating that extraordinary product, so unaccustomed for
your nature.”
But our Kurd replied: “No, for nothing on Earth will I stop. Didn’t
I pay my last two cents for them? Even if my soul departs from
my body I shall still go on eating.”
Whereupon our resolute Kurd—it must of course be assumed
that he was such—did not stop, but continued eating the “red
pepper pods.”
After what you have just perceived, I hope there may already
be arising in your mentation a corresponding mental association
which should, as a result, effectuate in you, as it sometimes
happens to contemporary people, that which you call, in general,
understanding, and that in the present case you will understand
just why I, well knowing and having many a time commiserated
with this human inherency, the inevitable manifestation
of which is that if anybody pays money for something, he is
bound to use it to the end, was animated in the whole of my
entirety with the idea, arisen in my mentation, to take every possible
measure in order that you, as is said “my brother in appetite
and in spirit”—in the event of your proving to be already
accustomed to reading books, though of all kinds, yet nevertheless
only those written exclusively in the aforesaid “language of
the intelligentsia”—having already paid money for my writings
and learning only afterwards that they are not written in the usual
convenient and easily read language, should not be compelled
as a consequence of the said human inherency, to read my writings
through to the end at all costs, as our poor Transcaucasian
Kurd was compelled to go on with his eating of what he had
fancied for its appearance alone—that “not to be joked with”

noble red pepper.
And so, for the purpose of avoiding any misunderstanding
through this inherency, the data for which are formed in the entirety
of contemporary man, thanks evidently to his frequenting
of the cinema and thanks also to his never missing an opportunity
of looking into the left eye of the other sex, I wish that this
commencing chapter of mine should be printed in the said manner,
so that everyone can read it through without cutting the
pages of the book itself.
Otherwise the bookseller will, as is said, “cavil,” and will without
fail again turn out to act in accordance with the basic principle of
booksellers in general, formulated by them in the words: “You’ll
be more of a simpleton than a fisherman if you let go of the fish
which has swallowed the bait,” and will decline to take back a
book whose pages you have cut. I have no doubt of this possibility;
indeed, I fully expect such lack of conscience on the part of
the booksellers.
And the data for the engendering of my certainty as to this lack
of conscience on the part of these booksellers were completely
formed in me, when, while I was a professional “Indian Fakir,” I
needed, for the complete elucidation of a certain
“ultraphilosophical” question also to become familiar, among
other things, with the associative process for the manifestation
of the automatically constructed psyche of contemporary booksellers
and of their salesmen when palming off books on their
Knowing all this and having become, since the misfortune which
befell me, habitually just and fastidious in the extreme, I cannot
help repeating, or rather, I cannot help again warning you, and
even imploringly advising you, before beginning to cut the pages
of this first book of mine, to read through very attentively, and
even more than once, this first chapter of my writings.
But in the event that notwithstanding this warning of mine, you

should, nevertheless, wish to become acquainted with the further
contents of my expositions, then there is already nothing
else left for me to do but to wish you with all my “genuine soul” a
very, very good appetite, and that you may “digest” all that you
read, not only for your own health but for the health of all those
near you.
I said “with my genuine soul” because recently living in Europe
and coming in frequent contact with people who on every appropriate
and inappropriate occasion are fond of taking in vain
every sacred name which should belong only to man’s inner life,
that is to say, with people who swear to no purpose, I being, as I
have already confessed, a follower in general not only of the theoretical—
as contemporary people have become—but also of the
practical sayings of popular wisdom which have become fixed
by the centuries, and therefore of the saying which in the present
case corresponds to what is expressed by the words: “When you
are in Rome do as Rome does,” decided, in order not to be out of
harmony with the custom established here in Europe of swearing
in ordinary conversation, and at the same time to act according
to the commandment which was enunciated by the holy lips
of Saint Moses “not to take the holy names in vain,” to make use
of one of those examples of the “newly baked” fashionable languages
of the present time, namely English, and so from then on,
I began on necessary occasions to swear by my “English soul.”
The point is that in this fashionable language, the words “soul”
and the bottom of your foot, also called “sole,” are pronounced
and even written almost alike.
I do not know how it is with you, who are already partly candidate
for a buyer of my writings, but my peculiar nature cannot,
even with a great mental desire, avoid being indignant at the
fact manifested by people
of contemporary civilization, that the very
highest in man, particularly
can really be named, and indeed very
often before even having made clear
to oneself what it is, can be understood
to be that which is lowest
and dirtiest in man.
Well, enough of “philologizing.” Let us return to the main task of
this initial chapter, destined, among other things, on the one hand
to stir up the drowsy thoughts in me as well as in the reader, and,
on the other, to warn the reader about something.
And so, I have already composed in my head the plan and sequence
of the intended expositions, but what form they will take
on paper, I, speaking frankly, myself do not as yet know with my
consciousness, but with my subconsciousness I already definitely
feel that on the whole it will take the form of something which
will be, so to say, “hot,” and will have an effect on the entirety of
every reader such as the red pepper pods had on the poor
Transcaucasian Kurd.
Now that you have become familiar with the story of our common
countryman, the Transcaucasian Kurd, I already consider it
my duty to make a confession and hence before continuing this
first chapter, which is by way of an introduction to all my further
predetermined writings, I wish to bring to the knowledge of what
is called your “pure waking consciousness” the fact that in the
writings following this chapter of warning I shall expound my
thoughts intentionally in such sequence and with such “logical
confrontation,” that the essence of certain real notions may of
themselves automatically, so to say, go from this “waking consciousness”—
which most people in their ignorance mistake for
the real consciousness, but which I affirm and experimentally
prove is the fictitious one—into what you call the subconscious,
which ought to be in my opinion the real human consciousness,
and there by themselves mechanically bring about that transformation
which should in general proceed in the entirety of a
man and give him, from his own conscious mentation, the results
he ought to have, which are proper to man and not merely
to single- or double-brained animals.
I decided to do this without fail so that this initial chapter of
mine, predetermined as I have already said to awaken your consciousness,
should fully justify its purpose, and reaching not only
your, in my opinion, as yet only fictitious “consciousness,” but also
your real consciousness, that is to say, what you call your subconscious,
might, for the first time, compel you to reflect actively.
In the entirety of every man, irrespective of his heredity and
education, there are formed two independent consciousnesses
which in their functioning as well as in their manifestations have
almost nothing in common. One consciousness is formed from
the perception of all kinds of accidental, or on the part of others
intentionally produced, mechanical impressions, among which
must also be counted the “consonances” of various words which
are indeed as is said empty; and the other consciousness is
formed from the so to say, “already previously formed material
results” transmitted to him by heredity, which have become
blended with the corresponding parts of the entirety of a man,
as well as from the data arising from his intentional evoking of
the associative confrontations of these “materialized data” already
in him.
The whole totality of the formation as well as the manifestation
of this second human consciousness, which is none other than
what is called the “subconscious,” and which is formed from the
“materialized results” of heredity and the confrontations actualized
by one’s own intentions, should in my opinion, formed by many years
of my experimental elucidations during exceptionally
conditions, predominate in the common presence of a man.

As a result of this conviction of mine which as yet doubtlessly
seems to you the fruit of the fantasies of an afflicted mind, I cannot
now, as you yourself see, disregard this second consciousness
and, compelled by my essence, am obliged to construct the
general exposition even of this first chapter of my writings,
namely, the chapter which should be the preface for everything
further, calculating that it should reach and, in the manner required
for my aim, “ruffle” the perceptions accumulated in both
these consciousnesses of yours.
Continuing my expositions with this calculation, I must first of
all inform your fictitious consciousness that, thanks to three definite
peculiar data which were crystallized in my entirety during
various periods of my preparatory age, I am really unique in respect
of the so to say “muddling and befuddling” of all the notions
and convictions supposedly firmly fixed in the entirety of
people with whom I come in contact.
Tut! Tut! Tut! ... I already feel that in your “false”— but according
to you “real”—consciousness, there are beginning to be agitated,
like “blinded flies,” all the chief data transmitted to you by heredity
from your uncle and mother, the totality of which data, always
and in everything, at least engenders in you the impulse—nevertheless
extremely good—of curiosity, as in the given case, to
find out as quickly as possible why I, that is to say, a novice at
writing, whose name has not even once been mentioned in the
newspapers, have suddenly become so unique.
Never mind! I personally am very pleased with the arising of
this curiosity even though only in your “false” consciousness, as I
already know from experience that this impulse unworthy of man
can sometimes even pass from this consciousness into one’s
nature and become a
worthy impulse—the impulse of the desire for knowledge,

which, in its turn, assists the better perception and even the closer
understanding of the essence of any object on which, as it sometimes
happens, the attention of a contemporary man might be
concentrated, and therefore I am even willing, with pleasure, to
satisfy this curiosity which has arisen in you at the present moment.
Now listen and try to justify, and not to disappoint, my expectations.
This original personality of mine, already “smelled out”
by certain definite individuals from both choirs of the Judgment
Seat Above, whence Objective justice proceeds, and also here
on Earth, by as yet a very limited number of people, is based, as
I already said, on three secondary specific data formed in me at
different times during my preparatory age. The first of these data,
from the very beginning of its arising, became as it were the chief
directing lever of my entire wholeness, and the other two, the
“vivifying-sources,” as it were, for the feeding and perfecting of
this first datum.
The arising of this first datum proceeded when I was still only,
as is said, a “chubby mite.” My dear now deceased grandmother
was then still living and was a hundred and some years old.
When my grandmother—may she attain the kingdom of
Heaven—was dying, my mother, as was then the custom, took
me to her bedside, and as I kissed her right hand, my dear now
deceased grandmother placed her dying left hand on my head
and in a whisper, yet very distinctly, said:
“Eldest of my grandsons! Listen and always remember my strict
injunction to you: In life never do as others do.”
Having said this, she gazed at the bridge of my nose and evidently
noticing my perplexity and my obscure understanding
of what she had said, added somewhat angrily and imposingly:
“Either do nothing—just go to school—or do something nobody

else does.”
Whereupon she immediately, without hesitation, and with a
perceptible impulse of disdain for all around her, and with commendable
self-cognizance, gave up her soul directly into the
hands of His Truthfulness, the Archangel Gabriel.
I think it will be interesting and even instructive to you to know
that all this made so powerful an impression on me at that time
that I suddenly became unable to endure anyone around me,
and therefore, as soon as we left the room where the mortal “planetary
body” of the cause of the cause of my arising lay, I very
quietly, trying not to attract attention, stole away to the pit where
during Lent the bran and potato skins for our “sanitarians,” that
is to say, our pigs, were stored, and lay there, without food or
drink, in a tempest of whirling and confused thoughts—of which,
fortunately for me, I had then in my childish brain still only a very
limited number—right until the return from the cemetery of my
mother, whose weeping on finding me gone and after searching
for me in vain, as it were “overwhelmed” me. I then immediately
emerged from the pit and standing first of all on the edge, for
some reason or other with outstretched hand, ran to her and
clinging fast to her skirts, involuntarily began to stamp my feet
and why, I don’t know, to imitate the braying of the donkey belonging
to our neighbor, a bailiff.
Why this produced such a strong impression on me just then,
and why I almost automatically manifested so strangely, I cannot
until now make out; though during recent years, particularly
on the days called “Shrovetide,” I pondered a good deal, trying
chiefly to discover the reason for it.
I then had only the logical supposition that it was perhaps only
because the room in which this sacred scene
occurred, which was to have tremendous significance for the
whole of my further life, was permeated through and through
with the scent of a special incense brought from the monastery
of “Old Athos” and very popular among followers of every shade
of belief of the Christian religion. Whatever it may have been, this
fact still now remains a bare fact.
During the days following this event, nothing particular happened
in my general state, unless there might be connected with
it the fact that during these days, I walked more often than usual
with my feet in the air, that is to say, on my hands.
My first act, obviously in discordance with the manifestations
of others, though truly without the participation not only of my
consciousness but also of my subconsciousness, occurred on
exactly the fortieth day after the death of my grandmother, when
all our family, our relatives and all those by whom my dear grandmother,
who was loved by everybody, had been held in esteem,
gathered in the cemetery according to custom, to perform over
her mortal remains, reposing in the grave, what is called the “requiem
service,” when suddenly without any rhyme or reason,
instead of observing what was conventional among people of
all degrees of tangible and intangible morality and of all material
positions, that is to say, instead of standing quietly as if overwhelmed,
with an expression of grief on one’s face and even if
possible with tears in one’s eyes, I started skipping round the
grave as if dancing, and sang:
“Let her with the saints repose, Now that she’s turned up her
toes, Oi! oi! oi!
Let her with the saints repose, Now that she’s turned up her
. . . and so on and so forth.

And just from this it began, that in my entirety a “something”

arose which in respect of any kind of so to say “aping,” that is to
say, imitating the ordinary automatized manifestations of those
around me, always and in everything engendered what I should
now call an “irresistible urge” to do things not as others do them.
At that age I committed acts such as the following.
If for example when learning to catch a ball with the right hand,
my brother, sisters and the neighbors’ children who came to play
with us, threw the ball in the air, I, with the same aim in view,
would first bounce the ball hard on the ground, and only when it
rebounded would I, first doing a somersault, catch it, and then
only with the thumb and middle finger of the left hand; or if all
the other children slid down the hill head first, I tried to do it, and
moreover each time better and better, as the children then called
it, “backside-first”; or if we children were given various kinds of
what are called “Abaranian pastries,” then all the other children,
before putting them in their mouths, would first of all lick them,
evidently to try their taste and to protract the pleasure, but ... I
would first sniff one on all sides and perhaps even put it to my
ear and listen intently, and then though only almost unconsciously,
yet nevertheless seriously, muttering to myself “so and
so and so you must, do not eat until you bust,” and rhythmically
humming correspondingly, I would only take one bite and without
savoring it, would swallow it—and so on and so forth.
The first event during which there arose in me one of the two
mentioned data which became the “vivifying sources” for the
feeding and perfecting of the injunction of my deceased grandmother,
occurred just at that age when I changed from a chubby
mite into what is called a “young rascal” and had already begun
to be, as is sometimes
said, a “candidate for a young man of pleasing
appearance and
dubious content.”
And this event occurred under the following circumstances
which were perhaps even specially combined by Fate itself.
With a number of young rascals like myself, I was once laying
snares for pigeons on the roof of a neighbor’s house, when suddenly,
one of the boys who was standing over me and watching
me closely, said:
“I think the noose of the horsehair ought to be so arranged that
the pigeon’s big toe never gets caught in it, because, as our zoology
teacher recently explained to us, during movement it is just
in that toe that the pigeon’s reserve strength is concentrated, and
therefore if this big toe gets caught in the noose, the pigeon might
of course easily break it.”
Another boy, leaning just opposite me, from whose mouth, by
the way, whenever he spoke saliva always splashed abundantly
in all directions, snapped at this remark of the first boy and delivered
himself, with a copious quantity of saliva, of the following
“Shut your trap, you hopeless mongrel offshoot of the
Hottentots! What an abortion you are, just like your teacher! Suppose
it is true that the greatest physical force of the pigeon is
concentrated in that big toe, then all the more, what we’ve got to
do is to see that just that toe will be caught in the noose. Only
then will there be any sense to our aim—that is to say, for catching
these unfortunate pigeon creatures—in that brain-particularity
proper to all possessors of that soft and slippery ‘something’
which consists in this, that when, thanks to other actions,
from which its insignificant manifestability depends, there arises
a periodic requisite law-conformable what is called ‘change of
presence,’ then this small so to say ‘law-conformable confusion’
which should proceed for the animation of
other acts in its general functioning, immediately enables the
of gravity of the whole functioning, in which this slippery
plays a very small part, to pass temporarily from its
usual place to another
place, owing to which there often obtains
in the whole of this general
functioning, unexpected results ridiculous
to the point of absurdity.”
He discharged the last words with such a shower of saliva that
it was as if my face were exposed to the action of an “atomizer”—
not of “Ersatz” production—invented by the Germans for dyeing
material with aniline dyes.
This was more than I could endure, and without changing my
squatting position, I flung myself at him, and my head, hitting
him with full force in the pit of his stomach, immediately laid him
out and made him as is said “lose consciousness.”
I do not know and do not wish to know in what spirit the result
will be formed in your mentation of the information about the
extraordinary coincidence, in my opinion, of life circumstances,
which I now intend to describe here, though for my mentation,
this coincidence was excellent material for the assurance of the
possibility of the fact that this event described by me, which occurred
in my youth, proceeded not simply accidentally but was
intentionally created by certain extraneous forces.
The point is that this dexterity was thoroughly taught me only
a few days before this event by a Greek priest from Turkey, who,
persecuted by Turks for his political convictions, had been compelled
to flee from there, and having arrived in our town had been
hired by my parents as a teacher for me of the modern Greek
I do not know on which data he based his political convictions
and ideas, but I very well remember that in all the conversations
of this Greek priest, even while explaining to me the difference
between the words of exclamation
in ancient and in modern Greek, there were indeed always very
discernible his dreams of getting as soon as possible to
the island
of Crete and there manifesting himself as befits a true
Well, then, on beholding the effect of my skill, I was, I must confess,
extremely frightened, because, knowing nothing of any such
reaction from a blow in that place, I quite thought I had killed
At the moment I was experiencing this fear, another boy, the
cousin of him who had become the first victim of my so to say
“skill in self-defense,” seeing this, without a moment’s pause, and
obviously overcome with a feeling called “consanguinity,” immediately
leaped at me and with a full swing struck me in the face
with his fist.
From this blow, I, as is said, “saw stars,” and at the same time
my mouth became as full as if it had been stuffed with the food
necessary for the artificial fattening of a thousand chickens.
After a little time when both these strange sensations had
calmed down within me, I then actually discovered that some
foreign substance was in my mouth, and when I pulled it out
with my fingers, it turned out to be nothing less than a tooth of
large dimensions and strange form.
Seeing me staring at this extraordinary tooth, all the boys
swarmed around me and also began to stare at it with great curiosity
and in a strange silence.
By this time the boy who had been laid out flat recovered and,
picking himself up, also began to stare at my tooth with the other
boys, as if nothing had happened to him.
This strange tooth had seven shoots and at the end of each of
them there stood out in relief a drop of blood, and through each
separate drop there shone clearly and definitely one of the seven
aspects of the manifestation of the white ray.
After this silence, unusual for us “young rascals,” the usual hubbub

broke out again, and in this hubbub it was decided to go
immediately to the barber, a specialist in extracting teeth, and to
ask him just why this tooth was like that.
So we all climbed down from the roof and went off to the
barber’s. And I, as the “hero of the day,” stalked at the head of
them all.
The barber, after a casual glance, said it was simply a “wisdom
tooth” and that all those of the male sex have one like it, who
until they first exclaim “papa” and “mamma” are fed on milk exclusively
from their own mother, and who on first sight are able
to distinguish among many other faces the face of their own father.
As a result of the whole totality of the effects of this happening,
at which time my poor “wisdom tooth” became a complete sacrifice,
not only did my consciousness begin, from that time on,
constantly absorbing, in connection with everything, the very
essence of the essence of my deceased grandmother’s behest—
God bless her soul—but also in me at that time, because I did
not go to a “qualified dentist” to have the cavity of this tooth of
mine treated, which as a matter of fact I could not do because
our home was too far from any contemporary center of culture,
there began to ooze chronically from this cavity a “something”
which—as it was only recently explained to me by a very famous
meteorologist with whom I chanced to become, as is said, “bosom
friends” owing to frequent meetings in the Parisian night
restaurants of Montmartre—had the property of arousing an
interest in, and a tendency to seek out the causes of the arising
of every suspicious “actual fact”; and this property, not transmitted
to my entirety by heredity, gradually and automatically led
to my ultimately becoming a specialist
in the investigation of every
suspicious phenomenon which,
as it so often happened, came my way.
This property newly formed in me after this event— when I, of
course with the co-operation of our ALL-COMMON MASTER THE
MERCILESS HEROPASS, that is the “flow of time,” was transformed
into the young man already depicted by me—became for me a
real inextinguishable hearth, always burning, of consciousness.
The second of the mentioned vivifying factors, this time for the
complete fusion of my dear grandmother’s injunction with all
the data constituting my general individuality, was the totality of
impressions received from information I chanced to acquire concerning
the event which took place here among us on Earth,
showing the origin of that “principle” which, as it turned out according
to the elucidations of Mr. Alan Kardec during an “absolutely
secret” spiritualistic seance, subsequently became everywhere
among beings similar to ourselves, arising and existing
on all the other planets of our Great Universe, one of the chief “life
The formulation in words of this new “all-universal principle of
living” is as follows:
“If you go on a spree then go the whole hog including the postage.”
As this “principle,” now already universal, arose on that same
planet on which you too arose and on which, moreover, you exist
almost always on a bed of roses and frequently dance the fox
trot, I consider I have no right to withhold from you the information
known to me, elucidating certain details of the arising of just
that universal principle.
Soon after the definite inculcation into my nature of the said
new inherency, that is, the unaccountable striving to elucidate
the real reasons for the arising of all sorts of “actual facts,” on my
first arrival in the heart of Russia,
the city of Moscow,
where, finding nothing else for the satisfaction
of my psychic needs, I occupied myself with the investigation
of Russian legends and sayings, I once happened—whether
accidentally or as a result of some objective sequence according
to a law I do not know—to learn by the way the following:
Once upon a time a certain Russian, who in external appearance
was to those around him a simple merchant, had to go from
his provincial town on some business or other to this second
capital of Russia, the city of Moscow, and his son, his favorite one—
because he resembled only his mother—asked him to bring back
a certain book.
When this great unconscious author of the “all-universal principle
of living” arrived in Moscow, he together with a friend of his
became—as was and still is usual there— “blind drunk” on genuine
“Russian vodka.”
And when these two inhabitants of this most great contemporary
grouping of biped breathing creatures had drunk the proper
number of glasses of this “Russian blessing” and were discussing
what is called “public education,” with which question it has
long been customary always to begin one’s conversation, then
our merchant suddenly remembered by association his dear
son’s request, and decided to set off at once to a bookshop with
his friend to buy the book.
In the shop, the merchant, looking through the book he had
asked for and which the salesman handed him, asked its price.
The salesman replied that the book was sixty kopecks.
Noticing that the price marked on the cover of the book was
only forty-five kopecks, our merchant first began pondering in a
strange manner, in general unusual for Russians, and afterwards,
making a certain movement with his shoulders, straightening
himself up almost like a pillar and throwing out his chest like an
officer of the
guards, said after a little pause, very quietly but
with an intonation
in his voice expressing great authority:
“But it is marked here forty-five kopecks. Why do you ask sixty?”
Thereupon the salesman, making as is said the “oleaginous” face
proper to all salesmen, replied that the book indeed cost only
forty-five kopecks, but had to be sold at sixty because fifteen
kopecks were added for postage.
After this reply to our Russian merchant who was perplexed by
these two quite contradictory but obviously clearly reconcilable
facts, it was visible that something began to proceed in him, and
gazing up at the ceiling, he again pondered, this time like an English
professor who has invented a capsule for castor oil, and
then suddenly turned to his friend and delivered himself for the
first time on Earth of the verbal formulation which, expressing in
its essence an indubitable objective truth, has since assumed
the character of a saying.
And he then put it to his friend as follows:
“Never mind, old fellow, we’ll take the book. Anyway we’re on a
spree today, and ‘if you go on a spree then go the whole hog
including the postage.’”
As for me, unfortunately doomed, while still living, to experience
the delights of “Hell,” as soon as I had cognized all this, something
very strange, that I have never experienced before or since,
immediately began, and for a rather long time continued to proceed
in me; it was as if all kinds of, as contemporary “Hivintzes”
say, “competitive races” began to proceed in me between all the
various-sourced associations and experiences usually occurring
in me.
At the same time, in the whole region of my spine there began
a strong almost unbearable itch, and a colic in the very center of
my solar plexus, also unbearable, and all this, that is these dual,
mutually stimulating sensations,
after the lapse of some time
suddenly were replaced by such a
peaceful inner condition
as I experienced in later life once only,
when the ceremony of the great initiation into the Brotherhood
of the “Originators of making butter from air” was performed over
me; and later when “I,” that is, this “something-unknown” of mine,
which in ancient times one crank—called by those around him,
as we now also call such persons, a “learned man”—defined as a
“relatively transferable arising, depending on the quality of the
functioning of thought, feeling, and organic automatism,” and
according to the definition of another also ancient and renowned
learned man, the Arabian Mal-el-Lel, which definition by the way
was in the course of time borrowed and repeated in a different
way by a no less renowned and learned Greek, Xenophon, “the
compound result of consciousness, subconsciousness, and instinct”;
so when this same “I” in this condition turned my dazed
attention inside myself, then firstly it very clearly constated that
everything, even to each single word, elucidating this quotation
that has become an “all-universal life principle” became transformed
in me into some special cosmic substance, and merging
with the data already crystallized in me long before from the
behest of my deceased grandmother, changed these data into a
“something” and this “something” flowing everywhere through
my entirety settled forever in each atom composing this entirety
of mine, and secondly, this my ill-fated “I” there and then definitely
felt and, with an impulse of submission, became conscious
of this, for me, sad fact, that already from that moment I should
willy-nilly have to manifest myself always and in everything without
exception, according to this inherency formed in me, not in
accordance with the laws of heredity, nor even by the influence
of surrounding circumstances, but arising in my entirety under
the influence of three external accidental causes, having nothing
in common, namely: thanks in the first place to the behest of
a person who had become, without the slightest desire on my
part, a passive cause of the cause of my arising; secondly, on account
of a tooth of mine knocked out by some ragamuffin of a
boy, mainly on account of somebody else’s “slobberiness”; and
thirdly, thanks to the verbal formulation delivered in a drunken
state by a person quite alien to me—some merchant of
“Moscovite brand.”
If before my acquaintance with this “all-universal principle of
living” I had actualized all manifestations differently from other
biped animals similar to me, arising and vegetating with me on
one and the same planet, then I did so automatically, and sometimes
only half consciously, but after this event I began to do so
consciously and moreover with an instinctive sensation of the
two blended impulses of self-satisfaction and self-cognizance in
correctly and honorably fulfilling my duty to Great Nature.
It must even be emphasized that although even before this
event I already did everything not as others did, yet my manifestations
were hardly thrust before the eyes of my fellow countrymen
around me, but from the moment when the essence of this
principle of living was assimilated in my nature, then on the one
hand all my manifestations, those intentional for any aim and
also those simply, as is said, “occurring out of sheer idleness,” acquired
vivify-ingness and began to assist in the formation of
“corns” on the organs of perception of every creature similar to
me without exception who directed his attention directly or indirectly
toward my actions, and on the other hand, I myself began
to carry out all these actions of mine in accordance with the
injunctions of my deceased grandmother to the utmost possible
limits; and the practice was automatically acquired in me on beginning
anything new
and also at any change, of course on a large scale, always to

utter silently or aloud:
“If you go on a spree then go the whole hog including the postage.”
And now, for instance, in the present case also, since, owing to
causes not dependent on me, but flowing from the strange and
accidental circumstances of my life, I happen to be writing books,
I am compelled to do this also in accordance with that same principle
which has gradually become definite through various extraordinary
combinations created by life itself, and which has
blended with each atom of my entirety.
This psycho-organic principle of mine I shall this time begin to
actualize not by following the practice of all writers, established
from the remote past down to the present, of taking as the theme
of their various writings the events which have supposedly taken
place, or are taking place, on Earth, but shall take instead as the
scale of events for my _writings—the whole Universe. Thus in
the present case also, “If you take then take!”—that is to say, “If
you go on a spree then go the whole hog including the postage.”
Any writer can write within the scale of the Earth, but I am not
any writer.
Can I confine myself merely to this, in the objective sense, “paltry
Earth” of ours? To do this, that is to say, to take for my writings
the same themes as in general other writers do, I must not, even
if only because what our learned spirits affirm might suddenly
indeed prove true; and my grandmother might learn of this; and
do you understand what might happen to her, to my dear beloved
grandmother? Would she not turn in her grave, not once,
as is usually said, but—as I understand her, especially now when
I can already quite “skillfully” enter into the position of another—
she would turn so many
times that she would almost be transformed into an “Irish

Please, reader, do not worry ... I shall of course also write of the
Earth, but with such an impartial attitude that this comparatively
small planet itself and also everything on it shall correspond to
that place which in fact it occupies and which, even according to
your own sane logic, arrived at thanks of course to my guidance,
it must occupy in our Great Universe.
I must, of course, also make the various what are called “heroes”
of these writings of mine not such types as those which in general
the writers of all ranks and epochs on Earth have drawn and
exalted, that is to say, types such as any Tom, Dick, or Harry, who
arise through a misunderstanding, and who fail to acquire during
the process of their formation up to what is called “responsible
life,” anything at all which it is proper for an arising in the
image of God, that is to say a man, to have, and who progressively
develop in themselves to their last breath only such various
charms as for instance: “lasciviousness,” “slobberiness,” “amorousness,”
“maliciousness,” “chicken-heartedness,” “enviousness,”
and similar vices unworthy of man.
I intend to introduce in my writings heroes of such type as everybody
must, as is said, “willy-nilly” sense with his whole being
as real, and about whom in every reader data must inevitably be
crystallized for the notion that they are indeed “somebody” and
not merely “just anybody.”
During the last weeks, while lying in bed, my body quite sick, I
mentally drafted a summary of my future writings and thought
out the form and sequence of their exposition, and I decided to
make the chief hero of the first series of my writings ... do you
know whom? . . . the Great Beelzebub Himself—even in spite of
the fact
that this choice of mine might from the very beginning evoke

in the mentation of most of my readers such mental associations
as must engender in them all kinds of automatic contradictory
impulses from the action of that totality of data infallibly
formed in the psyche of people owing to all the established abnormal
conditions of our external life, which data are in general
crystallized in people owing to the famous what is called “religious
morality” existing and rooted in their life, and in them, consequently,
there must inevitably be formed data for an inexplicable
hostility towards me personally.
But do you know what, reader?
In case you decide, despite this Warning, to risk continuing to
familiarize yourself with my further writings, and you try to absorb
them always with an impulse of impartiality and to understand
the very essence of the questions I have decided to elucidate,
and in view also of the particularity inherent in the human
psyche, that there can be no opposition to the perception of good
only exclusively when so to say a “contact of mutual frankness
and confidence” is established, I now still wish to make a sincere
confession to you about the associations arisen within me which
as a result have precipitated in the corresponding sphere of my
consciousness the data which have prompted the whole of my
individuality to select as the chief hero for my writings just such
an individual as is presented before your inner eyes by this same
Mr. Beelzebub.
This I did, not without cunning. My cunning lies simply in the
logical supposition that if I show him this attention he infallibly—
as I already cannot doubt any more—has to show himself grateful
and help me by all means in his command in my intended
Although Mr. Beelzebub is made, as is said, “of a different grain,”
yet, since He also can think, and, what
is most important, has—as I long

ago learned, thanks to the treatise of the famous Catholic monk, Brother
Foolon—a curly
tail, then I, being thoroughly convinced from experience that curls
are never natural but can be obtained only from various intentional
manipulations, conclude, according to the “sane-logic” of
hieromancy formed in my consciousness from reading books,
that Mr. Beelzebub also must possess a good share of vanity, and
will therefore find it extremely inconvenient not to help one who
is going to advertise His name.
It is not for nothing that our renowned and incomparable
teacher, Mullah Nassr Eddin, frequently says:
“Without greasing the palm not only is it impossible to live anywhere
tolerably but even to breathe.”
And another also terrestrial sage, who has become such, thanks
to the crass stupidity of people, named Till Eulenspiegel, has
expressed the same in the following words:
“If you don’t grease the wheels the cart won’t go.”
Knowing these and many other sayings of popular wisdom
formed by centuries in the collective life of people, I have decided
to “grease the palm” precisely of Mr. Beelzebub, who, as everyone
understands, has possibilities and knowledge enough and to
spare for everything.
Enough, old fellow! All joking even philosophical joking aside,
you, it seems, thanks to all these deviations, have transgressed
one of the chief principles elaborated in you and put in the basis
of a system planned previously for introducing your dreams into
life by means of such a new profession, which principle consists
in this, always to remember and take into account the fact of the
weakening of the functioning of the mentation of the contemporary
reader and not to fatigue him with the perception of numerous
ideas over a short time.
Moreover, when I asked one of the people always around me
who are “eager to enter Paradise without fail
with their boots on,” to read aloud straight through all that I
have written in this introductory chapter, what is called my “I”—
of course, with the participation of all the definite data formed in
my original psyche during my past years, which data gave me
among other things understanding of the psyche of creatures of
different type but similar to me—constated and cognized with
certainty that in the entirety of every reader without exception
there must inevitably, thanks to this first chapter alone, arise a
“something” automatically engendering definite unfriendliness
towards me personally.
To tell the truth, it is not this which is now chiefly worrying me,
but the fact that at the end of this reading I also constated that in
the sum total of everything expounded in this chapter, the whole
of my entirety in which the aforesaid “I” plays a very small part,
manifested itself quite contrary to one of the fundamental commandments
of that All-Common Teacher whom I particularly
esteem, Mullah Nassr Eddin, and which he formulated in the
words: “Never poke your stick into a hornets’ nest.”
The agitation which pervaded the whole system affecting my
feelings, and which resulted from cognizing that in the reader
there must necessarily arise an unfriendly feeling towards me, at
once quieted down as soon as I remembered the ancient Russian
proverb which states: “There is no offence which with time
will not blow over.”
But the agitation which arose in my system from realizing my
negligence in obeying the commandment of Mullah Nassr Eddin,
not only now seriously troubles me, but a very strange process,
which began in both of my recently discovered “souls” and which
assumed the form of an unusual itching immediately I understood
this, began progressively to increase until it now evokes and
produces an almost intolerable pain in the region a little
below the
right half of my already, without this, over exercised “solar
Wait! Wait! . . . This process, it seems, is also ceasing, and in all the
depths of my consciousness, and let us meanwhile say “even
beneath my subconsciousness,” there already begins to arise
everything requisite for the complete assurance that it will entirely
cease, because I have remembered another fragment of
life wisdom, the thought of which led my mentation to the reflection
that if I indeed acted against the advice of the highly esteemed
Mullah Nassr Eddin, I nevertheless acted without premeditation
according to the principle of that extremely sympathetic—
not so well known everywhere on earth, but never forgotten
by all who have once met him—that precious jewel,
Karapet of Tiflis.
It can’t be helped. . . . Now that this introductory chapter of mine
has turned out to be so long, it will not matter if I lengthen it a
little more to tell you also about this extremely sympathetic
Karapet of Tiflis.
First of all I must state that twenty or twenty-five years ago, the
Tiflis railway station had a “steam whistle.”
It was blown every morning to wake the railway workers and
station hands, and as the Tiflis station stood on a hill, this whistle
was heard almost all over the town and woke up not only the
railway workers, but the inhabitants of the town of Tiflis itself.
The Tiflis local government, as I recall it, even entered into a correspondence
with the railway authorities about the disturbance
of the morning sleep of the peaceful citizens.
To release the steam into the whistle every morning was the
job of this same Karapet who was employed in the station.
So when he would come in the morning to the rope with which
he released the steam for the whistle, he
would, before taking hold of the rope and pulling it, wave his
hand in all directions and solemnly, like a Mohammedan mullah
from a minaret, loudly cry:
“Your mother is a — —, your father is a — —, your grandfather
is more than a — —; may your eyes, ears, nose, spleen, liver, corns
...” and so on; in short, he pronounced in various keys all the curses
he knew, and not until he had done so would he pull the rope.
When I heard about this Karapet and of this practice of his, I
visited him one evening after the day’s work, with a small
boordook of Kahketeenian wine, and after performing this indispensable
local solemn “toasting ritual,” I asked him, of course in
a suitable form and also according to the local complex of “amenities”
established for mutual relationship, why he did this.
Having emptied his glass at a draught and having once sung
the famous Georgian song, “Little did we tipple,” inevitably sung
when drinking, he leisurely began to answer as follows:
“As you drink wine not as people do today, that is to say, not
merely for appearances but in fact honestly, then this already
shows me that you do not wish to know about this practice of
mine out of curiosity, like our engineers and technicians, but really
owing to your desire for knowledge, and therefore I wish, and
even consider it my duty, sincerely to confess to you the exact
reason of these inner, so to say, ‘scrupulous considerations’ of
mine, which led me to this, and which little by little instilled in me
such a habit.”
He then related the following:
“Formerly I used to work in this station at night cleaning the
steam boilers, but when this steam whistle was brought here,
the stationmaster, evidently considering my age and incapacity
for the heavy work I was doing, ordered me to occupy myself
only with releasing the steam into
the whistle, for which I had to
arrive punctually every morning and evening.
“The first week of this new service, I once noticed that after performing
this duty of mine, I felt for an hour or two vaguely ill at
ease. But when this strange feeling, increasing day by day, ultimately
became a definite instinctive uneasiness from which even
my appetite for ‘Makhokh’ disappeared, I began from then on
always to think and think in order to find out the cause of this. I
thought about it all particularly intensely for some reason or other
while going to and coming from my work, but however hard I
tried I could make nothing whatsoever, even approximately, clear
to myself.
“It thus continued for almost two years and, finally, when the
calluses on my palms had become quite hard from the rope of
the steam whistle, I quite accidentally and suddenly understood
why I experienced this uneasiness.
“The shock for my correct understanding, as a result of which
there was formed in me concerning this an unshakable conviction,
was a certain exclamation I accidentally heard under the
following, rather peculiar, circumstances.
“One morning when I had not had enough sleep, having spent
the first half of the night at the christening of my neighbor’s ninth
daughter and the other half in reading a very interesting and rare
book I had by chance obtained and which was entitled Dreams
and Witchcraft, as I was hurrying on my way to release the steam,
I suddenly saw at the corner a barber-surgeon I knew, belonging
to the local government service, who beckoned me to stop.
“The duty of this barber-surgeon friend of mine consisted in
going at a certain time through the town accompanied by an
assistant with a specially constructed carriage and seizing all the
stray dogs whose collars were without
the metal plates distributed by the local authorities on payment
of the tax and taking these dogs to the municipal slaughterhouse
where they were kept for two weeks at municipal expense, feeding
on the slaughterhouse offal; if, on the expiration of this period,
the owners of the dogs had not claimed them and paid the
established tax, then these dogs were, with a certain solemnity,
down a certain passageway which led directly to a specially
built oven.
“After a short time, from the other end of this famous salutary
oven, there flowed, with a delightful gurgling sound, a definite
quantity of pellucid and ideally clean fat to the profit of the fathers
of our town for the manufacture of soap and also perhaps
of something else, and, with a purling sound, no less delightful to
the ear, there poured out also a fair quantity of very useful substance
for fertilizing.
“This barber-surgeon friend of mine proceeded in the following
simple and admirably skillful manner to catch the dogs.
“He somewhere obtained a large, old, and ordinary fishing net,
which, during these peculiar excursions of his for the general
human welfare through the slums of our town, he carried, arranged
in a suitable manner on his strong shoulders, and when
a dog without its ‘passport’ came within the sphere of his all seeing
and, for all the canine species, terrible eye, he without haste
and with the softness of a panther, would steal up closely to it
and seizing a favorable moment when the dog was interested
and attracted by something it noticed, cast his net on it and
quickly entangled it, and later, rolling up the carriage, he disentangled
the dog in such a way that it found itself in the cage attached
to the carriage.
“Just when my friend the barber-surgeon beckoned me to stop,
he was aiming to throw his net, at the opportune
moment, at his next
victim, which at that moment was standing wagging his tail and looking
at a bitch. My friend was just about to throw his net, when suddenly the
bells of a neighboring church rang out, calling the people to early morning prayers.
At such an unexpected ringing in the morning quiet, the dog took
fright and springing aside flew off like a shot down the empty
street at his full canine velocity.
“Then the barber-surgeon so infuriated by this that his hair, even
beneath his armpits, stood on end, flung his net on the pavement
and spitting over his left shoulder, loudly exclaimed:
“‘Oh, Hell! What a time to ring!’
“As soon as the exclamation of the barber-surgeon reached my
reflecting apparatus, there began to swarm in it various thoughts
which ultimately led, in my view, to the correct understanding of
just why there proceeded in me the aforesaid instinctive uneasiness.
“The first moment after I had understood this there even arose
a feeling of being offended at myself that such a simple and clear
thought had not entered my head before.
“I sensed with the whole of my being that my effect on the general
life could produce no other result than that process which
had all along proceeded in me.
“And indeed, everyone awakened by the noise I make with the
steam whistle, which disturbs his sweet morning slumbers, must
without doubt curse me ‘by everything under the sun,’ just me,
the cause of this hellish row, and thanks to this, there must of
course certainly flow towards my person from all directions, vibrations
of all kinds of malice.
“On that significant morning, when, after performing my duties,
I, in my customary mood of depression, was sitting in a neighboring
‘Dukhan’ and eating ‘Hachi’ with garlic,
I, continuing to ponder, came
to the conclusion that if I should curse beforehand all those to whom my
service for the benefit of certain among them might seem disturbing, then,
according to the explanation of the book I had read the night before, however
much all those, as they might be called, ‘who lie in the sphere of
idiocy,’ that is, between sleep and drowsiness, might curse me, it
would have—as explained in that same book—no effect on me
at all.
“And in fact, since I began to do so, I no longer feel the said instinctive
Well, now, patient reader, I must really conclude this opening
chapter. It has now only to be signed.
He who . ..
Stop! Misunderstanding formation! With a signature there must
be no joking, otherwise the same will be done to you as once
before in one of the empires of Central Europe, when you were
made to pay ten years’ rent for a house you occupied only for
three months, merely because you had set your hand to a paper
undertaking to renew the contract for the house each year.
Of course after this and still other instances from life experience,
I must in any case in respect of my own signature, be very,very careful.
Very well then.
He who in childhood was called “Tatakh”; in early youth “Darky”;
later the “Black Greek”; in middle age, the “Tiger of Turkestan”;
and now, not just anybody, but the genuine “Monsieur” or “Mister”
Gurdjieff, or the nephew of “Prince Mukransky,” or finally, simply
a “Teacher of Dancing.”

* Cheshma means veil.
Subpages (2): Ch 2 Text
Ch 2 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
Text‎ > ‎Ch 1‎ > ‎

Ch 2

Why Beelzebub Was in Our Solar System

It was in the year 223 after the creation of the World, by objective
time-calculation, or, as it would be said here on the “Earth,” in
the year 1921 after the birth of Christ.
Through the Universe flew the ship Karnak of the “transspace”
It was flying from the spaces “Assooparatsata,” that is, from the
spaces of the “Milky Way,” from the planet Karatas to the solar
system “Pandetznokh,” the sun of which is also called the “Pole
On the said “transspace” ship was Beelzebub with his kinsmen
and near attendants.
He was on his way to the planet Revozvradendr to a special
conference in which he had consented to take part, at the request
of his friends of long standing.
Only the remembrance of these old friendships had constrained
him to accept this invitation, since he was no longer young, and
so lengthy a journey, and the vicissitudes inseparable from it, were
by no means an easy task for one of his years.
Only a little before this journey Beelzebub had returned home
to the planet Karatas where he had received his arising and far
from which, on account of circumstances independent of his own
essence, he had passed many years of his existence in conditions
not proper to his nature.
This many-yeared existence, unsuited to him, together with the
perceptions unusual for his nature and the experiences not
proper to his essence involved in it, had not failed to leave on his
common presence a perceptible mark.
Besides, time itself had by now inevitably aged him, and the
said unusual conditions of existence had brought Beelzebub, just
that Beelzebub who had had such an exceptionally strong, fiery,
and splendid youth, to an also exceptional old age.
Long, long before, while Beelzebub was still existing at home
on the planet Karatas, he had been taken, owing to his extraordinarily
resourceful intelligence, into service on the “Sun Absolute,”
where our LORD SOVEREIGN ENDLESSNESS has the fundamental
place of HIS Dwelling; and there Beelzebub, among others like
himself, had become an attendant upon HIS ENDLESSNESS.
It was just then that, owing to the as yet unformed Reason due
to his youth, and owing to his callow and therefore still impetuous
mentation with unequally flowing associations—that is,
owing to a mentation based, as is natural to beings who have
not yet become definitely responsible, on a limited understanding—
Beelzebub once saw in the government of the World something
which seemed to him “illogical,” and having found support
among his comrades, beings like himself not yet formed, interfered
in what was none of his business.
Thanks to the impetuosity and force of Beelzebub’s nature, his
intervention together with his comrades then soon captured all
minds, and the effect was to bring the central kingdom of the
Megalocosmos almost to the edge of revolution.
Having learned of this, HIS ENDLESSNESS, notwithstanding his
All-lovingness and All-forgiveness, was constrained to banish
Beelzebub with his comrades to one of the remote corners of
the Universe, namely, to the solar system “Ors” whose inhabitants
call it simply the “Solar System,” and to assign as the place
of their existence one of the planets of that solar system, namely,
Mars, with the privilege of existing on other planets also, though
only of the same solar system.
Among these exiles, besides the said comrades of Beelzebub,
were a number of those who merely sympathized with him, and
also the attendants and subordinates both of Beelzebub and of
his comrades.
All, with their households, arrived at this remote place and there
in a short time on the planet Mars a whole colony was formed of
three-centered beings from various planets of the central part of
our Great Universe.
All this population, extraordinary for the said planet, accommodated
itself little by little to its new dwelling place, and many of
them even found one or another occupation for shortening the
long years of their exile.
They found occupations either on this same planet Mars or upon
the neighboring planets, namely, on those planets that had been
almost entirely neglected on account of their remoteness from
the Center and the poverty of all their formations.
As the years rolled by, many either on their own initiative or in
response to needs of general character, migrated gradually from
the planet Mars to other planets; but Beelzebub himself, together
with his near attendants, remained on the planet Mars, where he
organized his existence more or less tolerably.
One of his chief occupations was the arranging of an “observatory”
on the planet Mars for the observation both of remote
points of the Universe and of the conditions of existence of beings
on neighboring planets; and this observatory of his, it may
here be remarked, afterwards became well known and even famous
everywhere in the Universe.
Although the solar system “Ors” had been neglected owing to
its remoteness from the center and to many other reasons, nevertheless
our LORD SOVEREIGN had sent from time to time HIS
Messengers to the planets of this system, to regulate, more or
less, the being-existence of the three-brained beings arising on
them, for the co-ordination of
the process of their existence with the general World Harmony.

And thus, to a certain planet of this solar system, namely, the
planet Earth, there was once sent as such a Messenger from our
ENDLESSNESS, a certain Ashiata Shiemash, and as Beelzebub had
then fulfilled a certain need in connection with his mission, the
said Messenger, when he returned once more to the “Sun Absolute,”
earnestly besought HIS ENDLESSNESS to pardon this once
young and fiery but now aged Beelzebub.
In view of this request of Ashiata Shiemash, and also of the
modest and cognoscent existence of Beelzebub himself, our
MAKER CREATOR pardoned him and gave him permission to return
to the place of his arising.
And that is why Beelzebub, after a long absence, happened now
to be again in the center of the Universe.
His influence and authority had not only not declined during
his exile, but, on the contrary, they had greatly increased, since all
those around him were clearly aware that, thanks to his prolonged
existence in the aforementioned unusual conditions, his
knowledge and experience must inevitably have been broadened
and deepened.
And so, when events of great importance occurred on one of
the planets of the solar system “Pandetznokh,” Beelzebub’s old
friends had decided to intrude upon him and to invite him to the
conference concerning these events.
And it was as the outcome of this that Beelzebub was now
making the long journey on the ship Karnak from the planet
Karatas to the planet Revozvradendr.
On this big space-ship Karnak, the passengers included the kinsmen
and attendants of Beelzebub and also many beings who
served on the ship itself.
During the period to which this tale of ours refers, all the passengers
were occupied either with their duties or
simply with the actualization of what is called “active being
Among all the passengers aboard the ship, one very handsome
boy was conspicuous; he was always near Beelzebub himself.
This was Hassein, the son of Beelzebub’s favorite son Tooloof.
After his return home from exile, Beelzebub had seen this grandson
of his, Hassein, for the first time, and, appreciating his good
heart, and also owing to what is called “family attraction,” he took
an instant liking to him.
And as the time happened to coincide with the time when the
Reason of little Hassein needed to be developed, Beelzebub, having
a great deal of free time there, himself undertook the education
of his grandson, and from that time on took Hassein everywhere
about with him.
That is why Hassein also was accompanying Beelzebub on this
long journey and was among the number around him.
And Hassein, on his side, so loved his grandfather that he would
not stir a step without him, and he eagerly absorbed everything
his grandfather either said or taught.
At the time of this narrative, Beelzebub with Hassein and his
devoted old servant Ahoon, who always accompanied him everywhere,
were seated on the highest “Kasnik,” that is, on the
upper deck of the ship Karnak under the “Kalnokranonis,” somewhat
resembling what we should call a large “glass bell,” and
were talking there among themselves while observing the
boundless space.
Beelzebub was talking about the solar system where he had
passed long years.
And Beelzebub was just then describing the peculiarities of the
nature of the planet called Venus.
During the conversation it was reported to Beelzebub that the
captain of their ship wished to speak with him and to this request
Beelzebub acceded.

Subpages (1): Ch 3
Ch 3 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 3

The Cause of the Delay in the Falling of the Ship Karnak
 The captain soon afterward entered and having performed
before Beelzebub all the ceremonies appropriate to Beelzebub’s
rank, said:
“Your Right Reverence, allow me to ask your authoritative opinion
upon an ‘inevitability’ that lies in the line of our course, and
which will hinder our smooth falling by the shortest route.
“The point is that if we follow our intended course, then our
ship, after two ‘Kilprenos,’ will pass through the solar system
“But just through where our ship must pass, there must also
pass, about a ‘Kilpreno’ before, the great comet belonging to that
solar system and named ‘Sakoor’ or, as it is sometimes called,
the ‘Madcap.’
“So if we keep to our proposed course, we must inevitably
traverse the space through which this comet will have to pass.
“Your Right Reverence of course knows that this ‘Madcap’ comet
always leaves in its track a great deal of ‘Zilnotrago’ which on
entering the planetary body of a being disorganizes most of its
functions until all the ‘Zilnotrago’ is volatilized out of it.
“I thought at first,” continued the captain, “of avoiding the
‘Zilnotrago’ by steering the ship around these spheres, but for
this a long detour would
be necessary which would greatly lengthen the
time of our passage. On the other hand, to wait somewhere until the
‘Zilnotrago’ is dispersed would take still longer.

“In view of the sharp distinction in the alternatives before us, I
cannot myself decide what to do, and so I have ventured to
trouble you, your Right Reverence, for your competent advice.”
The captain having finished speaking, Beelzebub thought a little
and then said as follows:
“Really, I do not know how to advise you, my dear Captain. Ah,
yes ... in that solar system where I existed for a long time, there is
a planet called Earth. On that planet Earth arose, and still continue
to arise, very strange three-centered beings. And among
the beings of a continent of that planet called Asia,’ there arose
and existed a very wise three-brained being whom they called
there ‘Mullah Nassr Eddin.’
“For each and every peculiar situation great and small in the
existence of the beings there,” Beelzebub continued, “this same
terrestrial sage Mullah Nassr Eddin had an apt and pithy saying.
“As all his sayings were full of the sense of truth for existence
there, I also always used them there as a guide, in order to have a
comfortable existence among the beings of that planet.
“And in the given case too, my dear Captain, I intend to profit by
one of his wise sayings.
“In such a situation as has befallen us, he would probably say:
‘You cannot jump over your knees and it is absurd to try to
kiss your own elbow.’
“I now say the same to you, and I add: there is nothing to be
done; when an event is impending which arises from forces immeasurably
greater than our own, one must submit.
“The only question is, which of the alternatives you mentioned
should be chosen—that is, to wait somewhere or to add to our
journey by a ‘detour.’
“You say that to make a detour will greatly lengthen our journey
but that waiting will take still longer.
“Good, my dear Captain. Suppose that by making the detour
we should save a little time, what do you think: Is the wear and
tear of the parts of our ship’s machinery worthwhile for the sake
of ending our journey a little sooner?
“If the detour should involve even the most trifling damage to
our ship, then in my opinion we ought to prefer your second suggestion,
that is, to stop somewhere until the path is cleared of
the noxious ‘Zilnotrago.’ By that means we should spare our ship
useless damage.
“And we will try to fill the period of this unforeseen delay with
something useful for us all.
“For instance, it would give me personally great pleasure to talk
with you about contemporary ships in general and about our
ship in particular.
“Very many new things, of which I still know nothing, have been
done in this field during my absence from these parts.
“For example, in my time these big transspace ships were so
complicated and cumbersome that it took almost half their
power to carry the materials necessary to elaborate their possibility
of locomotion.
“But in their simplicity and the freedom on them, these contemporary
ships are just embodiments of ‘Bliss-stokirno.’
“There is such a simplicity for beings upon them and such freedom
in respect of all being-manifestations that at times you forget
that you are not on one of the planets.
“So, my dear Captain, I should like very much to know how this
boon was brought about and how the contemporary ships work.
“But now go and make all arrangements necessary for the required
stopping. And then, when you are quite free, come to me
again and we will pass the time of our unavoidable delay in conversation
useful for us all.”
When the captain had gone, Hassein suddenly sprang to his
feet and began to dance and clap his hands and shout:
“Oh, I’m glad, I’m glad, I’m glad of this.”
Beelzebub looked with affection on these joyous manifestations
of his favorite, but old Ahoon could not restrain himself and, shaking
his head reproachfully, called the boy—half to himself—a
“growing egoist.”
Hearing what Ahoon called him, Hassein stopped in front of
him, and, looking at him mischievously, said:
“Don’t be angry with me, old Ahoon. The reason for my joy is
not egoism but only the coincidence which chances to be happy
for me. You heard, didn’t you? My dear grandfather did not decide
only just to make a stop, but he also promised the captain
to talk with him. . . .
“And you know, don’t you, that the talks of my dear grandfather
always bring out tales of places where he has been, and you
know also how delightfully he tells them and how much new
and interesting information becomes crystallized in our presences
from these tales.
“Where is the egoism? Hasn’t he himself, of his own free will,
having weighed with his wise reason all the circumstances of this
unforeseen event, decided to make a stop which evidently
doesn’t upset his intended plans very much?
“It seems to me that my dear grandfather has no need to hurry;
everything necessary for his rest and comfort is present on the
Karnak and here also are many who love him and whom he loves.
“Don’t you remember he said recently ‘we must not oppose
forces higher than our own’ and added that not
only one must not oppose them, but even submit and receive
all their results with reverence, at the same time praising and glorifying
the wonderful and providential works of Our Lord Creator?
“I am not glad because of the misadventure but because an
unforeseen event issuing from above has occurred, owing to
which we shall be able to listen once more to the tales of my
dear grandfather.
“Is it my fault that the circumstances are by chance most desirable
and happy for me?
“No, dear Ahoon, not only should you not rebuke me, but you
should join me in expressing gratitude to the source of all beneficent
results that arise.”
All this time Beelzebub listened attentively and with a smile to
the chatter of his favorite, and when he had finished said:
“You are right, dear Hassein, and for being right I will tell you,
even before the captain’s arrival, anything you like.”
Upon hearing this, the boy at once ran and sat at the feet of
Beelzebub and after thinking a little said:
“My dear Grandfather, you have told me so much about the
solar system where you spent so many years, that now perhaps
I could continue just by logic alone to describe the details of the
nature of that peculiar corner of our Universe.
“But I am curious to know whether there dwell three-brained
beings on the planets of that solar system and whether higher
‘being-bodies’ are coated in them.
“Please tell me now about just this, dear Grandfather,” concluded
Hassein, looking affectionately up at Beelzebub.
“Yes,” replied Beelzebub, “on almost all the planets of that solar
system also, three-brained beings dwell, and in almost all of them
higher being-bodies can be coated.
“Higher being-bodies, or as they are called on some
planets of that solar system, souls, arise in the three-brained
beings breeding on all the planets except those before reaching
which the emanations of our ‘Most Holy Sun Absolute,’ owing to
repeated deflections, gradually lose the fullness of their strength
and eventually cease entirely to contain the vivific power for coating
higher being-bodies.
“Certainly, my boy, on each separate planet of that solar system
also, the planetary bodies of the three-brained beings are coated
and take an exterior form in conformity with the nature of the
given planet, and are adapted in their details to the surrounding
“For instance, on that planet on which it was ordained that all
we exiles should exist, namely, the planet Mars, the three-brained
beings are coated with planetary bodies having the form—how
shall I tell you—a form like a ‘ka-roona,’ that is to say, they have a
long broad trunk, amply provided with fat, and heads with enormous
protruding and shining eyes. On the back of this enormous
‘planetary body’ of theirs are two large wings, and on the under
side two comparatively small feet with very strong claws.
“Almost the whole strength of this enormous ‘planetary body’
is adapted by nature to generate energy for their eyes and for
their wings.
“As a result, the three-brained beings breeding on that planet
can see freely everywhere, whatever the ‘Kal-da-zakh-tee,’ and
they can also move not only over the planet itself but also in its
atmosphere and some of them occasionally even manage to
travel beyond the limits of its atmosphere.
“The three-brained beings breeding on another planet, a little
below the planet Mars, owing to the intense cold there are covered
with thick soft wool.
“The external form of these three-centered beings is
like that of a ‘Toosook,’ that is, it resembles a kind of ‘double
sphere,’ the upper sphere serving to contain the principal organs
of the whole planetary body, and the other, the lower sphere, the
organs for the transformation of the first and second being-foods.
“There are three apertures in the upper sphere, opening outwards;
two serve for sight and the third for hearing.
“The other, the lower sphere, has only two apertures: one in front
for taking in the first and second being-foods, and the other at
the back for the elimination from the organism of residues.
“To the lower sphere are also attached two very strong sinewy
feet, and on each of these is a growth that serves the purpose of
fingers with us.
“There is still another planet, a quite small one, bearing the name
Moon, in that solar system, my dear boy.
“During its motion this peculiar little planet often approached
very near to our planet Mars and sometimes during whole
‘Kilprenos’ I took great pleasure in observing through my
‘Teskooano’ in my observatory the process of existence of the
three-brained beings upon it.
“Though the beings of this planet have very frail ‘planetary bodies,’
they have on the other hand a very ‘strong spirit,’ owing to
which they all possess an extraordinary perseverance and capacity
for work.
“In exterior form they resemble what are called large ants; and,
like these, they are always bustling about, working both on and
within their planet.
“The results of their ceaseless activity are now already plainly
“I once happened to notice that during two of our years they
‘tunnelled,’ so to say, the whole of their planet.
“They were compelled to undertake this task on account of the
abnormal local climatic conditions, which are due to the fact that
this planet arose unexpectedly, and the regulation of its climatic
harmony was therefore not prearranged by the Higher Powers.
“The ‘climate’ of this planet is ‘mad,’ and in its variability it could
give points to the most highly strung hysterical women existing
on another of the planets of that same solar system, of which I
shall also tell you.
“Sometimes there are such frosts on this ‘Moon’ that everything
is frozen through and through and it becomes impossible for
beings to breathe in the open atmosphere; and then suddenly it
becomes so hot there that an egg can be cooked in its atmosphere
in a jiffy.
“For only two short periods on that peculiar little planet, namely,
before and after its complete revolution about its neighbor—
another planet nearby—the weather is so glorious that for several
rotations the whole planet is in blossom and yields the various
products for their first being-food greatly in excess of their
general need during their existence in that peculiar intraplanetary
kingdom which they have arranged and where they are protected
from all the vagaries of this ‘mad’ climate inharmoniously
changing the state of the atmosphere.
“Nearest to that small planet is another, a larger planet, which
also occasionally approaches quite close to the planet Mars and
is called Earth.
“The said Moon is just a part of this Earth and the latter must
now constantly maintain the Moon’s existence.
“On the just mentioned planet Earth, also, three-brained beings
are formed; and they also contain all the data for coating
higher being-bodies in themselves.
“But in ‘strength of spirit’ they do not begin to compare with
the beings breeding on the little planet aforementioned. The external
coatings of the three-brained beings
of that planet Earth closely resemble
our own; only, first of all,
their skin is a little slimier than ours,
and then, secondly, they have
no tail, and their heads are without horns.
What is worst about
them is their feet, namely, they have no hoofs; it is
true that for
protection against external influences they have invented what
they call ‘boots,’ but this invention does not help them very much.
“Apart from the imperfection of their exterior form, their Reason
also is quite ‘uniquely strange.’
“Their ‘being-Reason,’ owing to very many causes about which
also I may tell you sometime, has gradually degenerated, and at
the present time, is very, very strange and exceedingly peculiar.”
Beelzebub would have said still more, but the captain of the
ship entering at that moment, Beelzebub, after promising the boy
to tell him about the beings of the planet Earth on another occasion,
began to talk with the captain.
Beelzebub asked the captain to tell him, first, who he was, how
long he had been captain, and how he liked his work, and afterwards
to explain some of the details of the contemporary cosmic
Thereupon the captain said:
“Your Right Reverence, I was destined by my father, as soon as I
reached the age of a responsible being, for this career in the service
“Starting with the lowest positions on the transspace ships, I
ultimately merited to perform the duties of captain, and it is now
eight years that I have been captain on the long-distance ships.
“This last post of mine, namely, that of captain of the ship Karnak,
I took, strictly speaking, in succession to my father, when after
his long years of blameless service to HIS ENDLESSNESS in
the performance of the duties of captain from almost the very
beginning of the World-creation,
he had become worthy to be promoted
to the post of Ruler of
the solar system ‘Kalman.’
“In short,” continued the captain, “I began my service just when
your Right Reverence was departing for the place of your exile.
“I was still only a ‘sweeper’ on the long-distance ships of that
“Yes ... a long, long time has passed by.
“Everything has undergone change and is changed since then;
only our LORD AND SOVEREIGN remains unchanged. The blessings
of ‘Amenzano’ on HIS UNCHANGEABLENESS throughout
“You, your Right Reverence, have condescended to remark very
justly that the former ships were very inconvenient and cumbersome.
“Yes, they were then, indeed, very complicated and cumbersome.
I too remember them very well. There is an enormous difference
between the ships of that time and the ships now.
“In our youth all such ships both for intersystem and for interplanetary
communication were still run on the cosmic substance
‘Elekilpomagtistzen,’ which is a totality consisting of two separate
parts of the omnipresent Okidanokh.
“And it was to obtain this totality that just those numerous
materials were necessary which the former ships had to carry.
“But these ships did not remain in use long after you flew from
these parts, having soon thereafter been replaced by ships of
the system of Saint Venoma.”

* The word “Kilpreno” in the language of Beelzebub means a
certain period of time, equal approximately to the duration of
the flow of time which we call an “hour.”
 The word “Zilnotrago” is the name of a special gas similar to
what we call “cyanic acid."

“Teskooano” means “telescope.”
Subpages (1): Ch 4
Ch 4 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 4

The Law of Falling
The captain continued:
“This happened in the year 185, by objective time-calculation.
“Saint Venoma had been taken for his merits from the planet
‘Soort’ to the holy planet ‘Purgatory,’ where, after he had familiarized
himself with his new surroundings and new duties, he gave
all his free time to his favorite work.
“And his favorite work was to seek what new phenomena could
be found in various combinations of already existing, law-conformable
“And sometime later, in the course of these occupations, this
Saint Venoma first constated in cosmic laws what later became a
famous discovery, and this discovery he first called the ‘Law of
“This cosmic law which he then discovered, St. Venoma himself
formulated thus:
“‘Everything existing in the World falls to the bottom. And the
bottom for any part of the Universe is its nearest “stability,” and
this said “stability” is the place or the point upon which all the
lines of force arriving from all directions converge.
“‘The centers of all the suns and of all the planets of our Universe
are just such points of “stability.” They are the lowest points
of those regions of space upon which forces from all directions
of the given part of the Universe definitely tend and where they
are concentrated. In these points there is also concentrated the
equilibrium which enables suns and planets to maintain their
“In this formulation of his, Saint Venoma said further that everything
when dropped into space, wherever it
may be, tends to fall on one or another sun or on one or another
planet, according to which sun or planet the given part of
space belongs to, where the object is dropped, each sun or planet
being for the given sphere the ‘stability’ or bottom.
“Starting from this, Saint Venoma reasoned in his further researches
as follows:
“‘If this be so, may it not therefore be possible to employ this
cosmic particularity for the locomotion we need between the
spaces of the Universe?’
“And from then on, he worked in this direction.
“His further saintly labors showed that although in principle this
was in general possible, yet it was impossible fully to employ for
this purpose this ‘Law of Falling’ discovered by him. And it would
be impossible owing solely to the atmospheres around most of
the cosmic concentrations, which atmospheres would hinder the
straight falling of the object dropped in space.
“Having constated this, Saint Venoma then devoted his whole
attention to discovering some means of overcoming the said
atmospheric resistance for ships constructed on the principle of
“And after three ‘Looniases’ Saint Venoma did find such a possibility,
and later on when the building of a suitable special construction
had been completed under his direction, he proceeded
to practical trials.
“This special construction had the appearance of a large enclosure,
all the walls of which were made of a special material something
like glass.
“Then to every side of that large enclosure were fitted things
like ‘shutters’ of a material impervious to the rays of the cosmic
substance ‘Elekilpomagtistzen,’ and these shutters, although
closely fitted to the walls of the said enclosure, could yet freely
slide in every direction.
“Within the enclosure was placed a special ‘battery,’
generating and giving this same substance ‘Elekilpomagtistzen.’
“I myself, your Right Reverence, was present at the first trials
made by Saint Venoma according to the principles he had discovered.
“The whole secret lay in this, that when the rays of
‘Elekilpomagtistzen’ were made to pass through this special glass,
then in all the space they reached, everything usually composing
the atmosphere itself of planets, such as ‘air,’ every kind of’gas,’
‘fog,’ and so on, was destroyed. This part of space became indeed
absolutely empty and had neither resistance nor pressure,
so that, if even an infant-being pushed this enormous structure,
it would move forward as easily as a feather.
“To the outer side of this peculiar structure there were attached
appliances similar to wings, which were set in motion by means
of this same substance ‘Elekilpomagtistzen,’ and served to give
the impetus to move all this enormous construction in the required
“The results of these experiments having been approved and
blessed by the Commission of Inspection under the presidency
of Archangel Adossia, the construction of a big ship based on
these principles was begun.
“The ship was soon ready and commissioned for service. And
in a short time, little by little, ships of this type came to be used
exclusively, on all the lines of intersystem communication.
“Although later, your Right Reverence, the inconveniences of this
system gradually became more and more apparent, nevertheless
it continued to displace all the systems that had existed before.
“It cannot be gainsaid that although the ships constructed on
this system were ideal in atmosphereless spaces, and moved
there almost with the speed of the rays ‘Etzikolnianakhnian’ issuing
from planets, yet when nearing
some sun or planet it became real torture for the beings directing
them, as a great deal of complicated maneuvering was necessary.
“The need for this maneuvering was due to the same ‘Law of
“And this was because when the ship came into the medium of
the atmosphere of some sun or planet which it had to pass, it
immediately began to fall towards that sun or planet, and as I
have already intimated, very much care and considerable knowledge
were needed to prevent the ship from falling out of its
“While the ships were passing near any sun or planet whatsoever,
their speed of locomotion had sometimes to be reduced
hundreds of times below their usual rate.
“It was particularly difficult to steer them in those spheres where
there was a great aggregation of ‘comets.’
“That is why great demands were then made upon the beings
who had to direct these ships, and they were prepared for these
duties by beings of very high Reason.
“But in spite of the said drawbacks of the system of Saint
Venoma, it gradually, as I have already said, displaced all the previous
“And the ships of this system of Saint Venoma had already existed
for twenty-three years when it was first rumored that the
Angel Hariton had invented a new type of ship for intersystem
and interplanetary communication.”
Subpages (1): Ch 5
Ch 5 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 5

The System of Archangel Hariton
And indeed, soon after this rumor, practical experiments open
to all, again under the superintendence of the Great Archangel
Adossia, were made with this new and later very famous invention.
“This new system was unanimously acknowledged to be the
best, and very soon it was adopted for general Universal service
and thereafter gradually all previous systems were entirely superseded.
“That system of the Great Angel, now Archangel, Hariton is now
in use everywhere at the present day.
“The ship on which we are now flying also belongs to this system
and its construction is similar to that of all the ships built on
the system of the Angel Hariton.
“This system is not very complicated.
“The whole of this great invention consists of only a single ‘cylinder’
shaped like an ordinary barrel.
“The secret of this cylinder lies in the disposition of the materials
of which its inner side is made.
“These materials are arranged in a certain order and isolated
from each other by means of Amber.’ They have such a property
that if any cosmic gaseous substance whatever enters the space
which they enclose, whether it be ‘atmosphere,’ ‘air,’ ‘ether,’ or any
other ‘totality’ of homogeneous cosmic elements, it immediately
expands, owing to the mentioned disposition of materials within
the cylinder.
“The bottom of this cylinder-barrel is hermetically sealed, but
its lid, although it can be closely shut, yet is so arranged on hinges
that at a pressure from within it can be opened and shut again.
“So, your Right Reverence, if this cylinder-barrel is filled with atmosphere,
air, or any other such substance,
then from the action of the walls of this peculiar cylinder-barrel,
these substances expand to such an extent that the interior becomes
too small to hold them.
“Striving to find an outlet from this, for them constricted, interior,
they naturally press also against the lid of the cylinder-barrel,
and thanks to the said hinges the lid opens and, having allowed
these expanded substances to escape, immediately closes
again. And as in general Nature abhors a vacuum, then simultaneously
with the release of the expanded gaseous substances
the cylinder-barrel is again filled with fresh substances from outside,
with which in their turn the same proceeds as before, and
so on without end.
“Thus the substances are always being changed, and the lid of
the cylinder-barrel alternately opens and shuts.
“To this same lid there is fixed a very simple lever which moves
with the movement of the lid and in turn sets in motion certain
also very simple ‘cogwheels’ which again in their turn revolve the
fans attached to the sides and stern of the ship itself.
“Thus, your Right Reverence, in spaces where there is no resistance,
contemporary ships like ours simply fall towards the nearest
‘stability’; but in spaces where there are any cosmic substances
which offer resistance, these substances, whatever their
density, with the aid of this cylinder enable the ship to move in
any desired direction.
“It is interesting to remark that the denser the substance is in
any given part of the Universe, the better and more strongly the
charging and discharging of this cylinder-barrel proceed, and in
consequence of course, the force of the movement of the levers
is also changed.
“But nevertheless, I repeat, a sphere without atmosphere, that
is, a space containing only World Etherokrilno, is for contemporary
ships also the best, because in such a sphere there is no
resistance at all, and the
‘Law of Falling’ can therefore be fully
employed in it without any
assistance from the work of the cylinder.
“Further than this, the contemporary ships are also good because
they contain such possibilities that in atmosphereless
spaces an impetus can be given to them in any direction, and
they can fall just where desired without the complicated manipulations
necessary in ships of the system of Saint Venoma.
“In short, your Right Reverence, the convenience and simplicity
of the contemporary ships are beyond comparison with former
ships, which were often both very complicated and at the same
time had none of the possibilities of the ships we use now.”
Subpages (1): Ch 6
Ch 6 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 6

Perpetual Motion

Wait! Wait!” Beelzebub interrupted the captain. “This— what
you have just told us—must surely be just that short-lived idea
which the strange three-brained beings breeding on the planet
Earth called ‘perpetual motion’ and on account of which at one
period a great many of them there went quite, as they themselves
say, ‘mad,’ and many even perished entirely.
“It once happened there on that ill-fated planet that somebody
in some way or another got into his head the, as they say,‘crazy
notion’ that he could make a ‘mechanism’ that would run forever
without requiring any material from outside.
“This notion so took everybody’s fancy that most of the queer
fellows of that peculiar planet began thinking about it and trying
to realize this miracle in practice.
“How many of them paid for this short-lived idea with all the
material and spiritual welfare which they had previously with
great difficulty acquired!
“For one reason or another they were all quite determined to
invent what in their opinion was a ‘simple matter.’
“External circumstances permitting, many took up the invention
of this ‘perpetual motion’ without any inner data for such
work; some from reliance upon their ‘knowledge,’ others upon
‘luck,’ but most of them just from their already complete psychopathy.
“In short, the invention of ‘perpetual motion’ was, as they say,
‘the rage,’ and every crank felt obliged to be interested in this
“I was once in one of the towns there where models of every
kind and innumerable ‘descriptions’ of proposed
‘mechanisms’ for this ‘perpetual motion’ were assembled.
“What wasn’t there? What ‘ingenious’ and complicated machines
did I not see? In any single one of these mechanisms I
saw there, there must have been more ideas and ‘wiseacrings’
than in all the laws of World-creation and World-existence.
“I noted at the time that in these innumerable models and descriptions
of proposed mechanisms, the idea of using what is
called the ‘force of weight’ predominated. And the idea of employing
the ‘force of weight’ they explained thus: a very complicated
mechanism was to lift ‘some’ weight and this latter was
then to fall and by its fall set the whole mechanism in motion,
which motion would again lift the weight, and so on, and so on.
“The result of it all was that thousands were shut up in ‘lunatic
asylums,’ thousands more, having made this idea their dream,
either began to fail altogether to fulfill even those being-duties
of theirs which had somehow or other in the course of many years
been established there, or to fulfill them in such a way as ‘couldn’t
be worse.’
“I don’t know how it would all have ended if some quite demented
being there, with one foot already in the grave, such a
one as they themselves call an ‘old dotard,’ and who had previously
somehow acquired a certain authority, had not proved by
‘calculations’ known only to himself that it was absolutely impossible
to invent ‘perpetual motion.’
“Now, after your explanation, I can well understand how the
cylinder of the system of Archangel Hariton works. It is the very
thing of which these unfortunates there dreamed.
“Indeed, of the ‘cylinder’ of the system of the Archangel Hariton
it can safely be said that, with atmosphere alone given, it will work
perpetually without needing the expenditure of any outside
“And since the world without planets and hence without
atmospheres cannot exist, then it follows that as long as the
world exists and, in consequence, atmospheres, the cylinder-barrels
invented by the great Archangel Hariton will always work.
“Now just one question occurs to me—about the material from
which this cylinder-barrel is made.
“I wish very much, my dear Captain, that you would roughly tell
me what materials it is made of and how long they can last,”
requested Beelzebub.
To this question of Beelzebub’s the captain replied as follows:
“Although the cylinder-barrel does not last forever, it can certainly
last a very long time.
“Its chief part is made of’amber’ with ‘platinum’ hoops, and the
interior panels of the walls are made of ‘anthracite,’ ‘copper,’ and
‘ivory,’ and a very strong ‘mastic’ unaffectable either by (1)
‘paischakir’ or by (2) ‘tainolair’ or by (3) ‘saliakooriapa* or even by
the radiations of cosmic concentrations.
“But the other parts,” the captain continued, “both the exterior
‘levers’ and the ‘cogwheels,’ must certainly be renewed from time
to time, for though they are made of the strongest metal, yet long
use will wear them out.
“And as for the body of the ship itself, its long existence can
certainly not be guaranteed.”
The captain intended to say still more, but at that moment a
sound like the vibrations of a long minor chord of a far-off orchestra
of wind instruments resounded through the ship.
With an apology the captain rose to leave, explaining as he did
so that he must be needed on very important business, since
everybody knew that he was with his Right Reverence and would
not venture to trouble the ears of his Right Reverence for anything
* (1) Cold, (2) heat, and (3) water.
Subpages (1): Ch 7
Ch 7 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 7

Becoming Aware of Genuine Being-Duty

After the captain had gone, Beelzebub glanced at his grandson
and, noticing his unusual state, asked him solicitously and with
some anxiety:
“What is the matter, my dear boy? What are you thinking so
deeply about?”
Looking up at his Grandfather with eyes full of sorrow, Hassein
said thoughtfully:
“I don’t know what is the matter with me, my dear Grandfather,
but your talk with the captain of the ship has brought me to some
exceedingly melancholy thoughts.
“Things of which I have never before thought are now a-thinking
in me.
“Thanks to your talk, it has gradually become very clear to my
consciousness that in the Universe of our ENDLESSNESS everything
has not always been such as I now see and understand.
“Formerly, for instance, I should never have allowed such
thoughts associatively to proceed in me, as that this ship on which
we are now flying has not always been as it is at this moment.
“Only now have I come very clearly to understand that everything
we have at the present time and everything we use—in a
word, all the contemporary amenities and everything necessary
for our comfort and welfare—have not always existed and did
not make their appearance so easily.
“It seems that certain beings in the past have during very long
periods labored and suffered very much for this, and endured a
great deal which perhaps they even need not have endured.
“They labored and suffered only in order that we might now
have all this and use it for our welfare.
“And all this they did, either consciously or unconsciously, just
for us, that is to say, for beings quite unknown and entirely indifferent
to them.
“And now not only do we not thank them, but we do not even
know a thing about them, but take it all as in the natural order,
and neither ponder nor trouble ourselves about this question at
“I, for instance, have already existed so many years in the Universe,
yet the thought has never even entered my head that perhaps
there was a time when everything I see and have did not
exist, and that everything was not born with me like my nose.
“And so, my dear and kind Grandfather, now that owing to your
conversation with the captain, I have gradually, with all my presence,
become aware of all this, there has arisen in me, side by
side with this, the need to make clear to my Reason why I personally
have all the comforts which I now use, and what obligations
I am under for them.
“It is just because of this that at the present moment there proceeds
in me a ‘process-of-remorse.’”
Having said this, Hassein drooped his head and became silent;
and Beelzebub, looking at him affectionately, began to speak as
“I advise you, my dear Hassein, not to put such questions to
yourself yet. Do not be impatient. Only when that period of your
existence arrives which is proper for your becoming aware of such
essence-questions, and you actively mentate about them, will
you understand what you must do in return.
“Your present age does not yet oblige you to pay for your existence.
“The time of your present age is not given you in which
to pay for your existence, but for preparing yourself for the future,
for the obligations becoming to a responsible three-brained
“So in the meantime, exist as you exist. Only do not forget one
thing, namely, at your age it is indispensably necessary that every
day, at sunrise, while watching the reflection of its splendor,
you bring about a contact between your consciousness and the
various unconscious parts of your general presence. Try to make
this state last and to convince the unconscious parts—as if they
were conscious—that if they hinder your general functioning, they,
in the period of your responsible age, not only cannot fulfill the
good that befits them, but your general presence of which they
are part will not be able to be a good servant of our COMMON
ENDLESS CREATOR and by that will not even be worthy to pay
for your arising and existence.
“I repeat once more, my dear boy, try in the meantime not to
think about these questions, which at your age it is still early for
you to think about.
“Everything in its proper time!
“Now ask me to tell you whatever you wish, and I will do so.
“As the captain has not yet returned, he must be occupied there
with his duties and will not be coming back so soon.”
Subpages (1): Ch 8
Ch 8 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 8

The Impudent Brat Hussain, Beelzebub`s Grandson, Dares to Call Men "Slugs"
 Hassein immediately sat down at Beelzebub’s feet and
coaxingly said:
“Tell me anything you wish, my dear Grandfather. Anything you
tell me will be the greatest joy for me, if only because it is you
who relate it.”
“No,” objected Beelzebub, “you yourself ask what interests you
most of all. It will give me at the present moment much pleasure
to tell you about just whatever you particularly wish to know.”
“Dear and kind Grandfather, tell me then something about those
. . . how? . . . those ... I forget . . . yes, about those ‘slugs.’”
“What? About what slugs?” asked Beelzebub, not understanding
the boy’s question.
“Don’t you remember, Grandfather, that a little while ago, when
you spoke about the three-centered beings breeding on the various
planets of that solar system where you existed for such a
long time, you happened to say that on one planet—I forget how
you called it— that on that planet exist three-centered beings
who, on the whole, are like us, but whose skin is a little slimier
than ours.”
“Ah!” laughed Beelzebub. “You are surely asking about those
beings who breed on the planet Earth and who call themselves
“Yes, Grandfather, yes, just that. Tell me about those ‘men-beings,’
a little more in detail. I should like to know more about
them,” concluded Hassein.
Then Beelzebub said: “About them I could tell you a great deal,
for I often visited that planet and existed
among them for a long time and even made friends with many
of those terrestrial three-brained beings.
“Indeed, you will find it very interesting to know more about
these beings, for they are very peculiar.
“There are many things among them which you would not
see among any other beings of any other planet of our Universe.
“I know them very well, because their arising, their further development,
and their existence during many, many centuries, by
their time calculation, have occurred before my eyes.
“And not only their own arising occurred before my eyes, but
even the accomplished formation of the planet itself on which
they arise and exist.
“When we first arrived on that solar system and settled on the
planet Mars nothing yet existed on that planet Earth, which had
not yet even had time to cool off completely after its concentration.
“From the very beginning, this same planet has been the cause
of many serious troubles to our ENDLESSNESS.
“If you wish I will tell you first of all about the events of general
cosmic character connected with this planet, which were the
cause of the said troubles of our ENDLESSNESS.
“Yes, my dear Grandfather,” said Hassein, “tell me first about this.
It will surely be quite as interesting as everything you relate.”
Subpages (1): Ch 9
Ch 9 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 9

The Cause of the Genesis of the Moon
Beelzebub began his tale as follows:
“After we arrived on the planet Mars where we were directed to
exist, we began slowly to settle down there.
“We were still fully absorbed in the bustle of organizing everything
externally necessary for a more or less tolerable existence
in the midst of that Nature absolutely foreign to us, when suddenly,
on one of the very busiest days, the whole planet Mars
was shaken, and a little later such an ‘asphyxiating stink’ arose
that at first it seemed that everything in the Universe had been
mixed up with something, one might say ‘indescribable.’
“Only after a considerable time had passed and when the said
stink had gone, did we recover and gradually make out what
had happened.
“We understood that the cause of this terrible phenomenon
was just that same planet Earth which from time to time approached
very near to our planet Mars and which therefore we
had possibilities of observing clearly, sometimes even without a
“For reasons we could not yet comprehend, this planet, it transpired,
had ‘burst’ and two fragments detached from it had flown
off into space.
“I have already told you that this solar system was then still
being formed and was not yet ‘blended’ completely with what is
called ‘The-Harmony-of-Reciprocal-Maintenance-of-All-Cosmic-
“It was subsequently learned that in accordance with this said’
Cosmic-Concentrations’ there had also to
in this system a comet of what is called Vast orbit’
still existing
and named the comet ‘Kondoor.’
“And just this very comet, although it was then already concentrated,
was actualizing its ‘full path’ for only the first time.
“As certain competent Sacred Individuals also later confidentially
explained to us, the line of the path of the said comet had
to cross the line on which the path of that planet Earth also lay;
but as a result of the erroneous calculations of a certain Sacred
Individual concerned with the matters of World-creation and
World-maintenance, the time of the passing of each of these
through the point of intersection of the lines of their
paths coincided, and owing to this error the planet Earth and the
comet ‘Kondoor’ collided, and collided so violently that from this
shock, as I have already told you, two large fragments were broken
off from the planet Earth and flew into space.
“This shock entailed these serious consequences because on
account of the recent arising of this planet, the atmosphere which
might have served as a buffer in such a case had not yet had
time to be completely formed upon it.
And, my boy, our ENDLESSNESS was also immediately informed
of this general cosmic misfortune.
“In consequence of this report, a whole commission consisting
of Angels and Archangels, specialists in the work of World-creation
and World-maintenance, under the direction of the Most
Great Archangel Sakaki, was immediately sent from the Most Holy
Sun Absolute to that solar system ‘Ors.’
“The Most High Commission came to our planet Mars since it
was the nearest to the planet Earth and from this planet of ours
began its investigations.
“The sacred members of this Most High Commission at once
quieted us by saying that the apprehended danger
of a catastrophe on a great cosmic scale had already passed.
“And the Arch-Engineer Archangel Algamatant was good
enough to explain to us personally that in all probability what
had happened was as follows:
“‘The broken-off fragments of the planet Earth had lost the
momentum they received from the shock before they had
reached the limit of that part of space which is the sphere of this
planet, and hence, according to the “Law of Falling,” these fragments
had begun to fall back towards their fundamental piece.
“‘But they could no longer fall upon their fundamental piece,
because in the meantime they had come under the cosmic law
called “Law-of-Catching-Up” and were entirely subject to its influence,
and they would therefore now make regular elliptic orbits
around their fundamental piece, just as the fundamental
piece, namely, the planet Earth, made and makes its orbit around
its sun “Ors.”
“‘And so it will always continue, unless some new unforeseen
catastrophe on a large scale changes it in one way or another.
“‘Glory to Chance . . .’ concluded His Pantemeasurability,‘the
harmonious general-system movement was not destroyed by
all this, and the peaceful existence of that system “Ors” was soon
“But nevertheless, my boy, this Most High Commission, having
then calculated all the facts at hand, and also all that might happen
in the future, came to the conclusion that although the fragments
of the planet Earth might maintain themselves for the time
being in their existing positions, yet in view of certain so-called
‘Tastartoonarian-displacements’ conjectured by the Commission,
they might in the future leave their position and bring about a
large number of irreparable calamities both for this system ‘Ors’
and for other neighboring solar systems.
“Therefore the Most High Commission decided to take certain
measures to avoid this eventuality.
“And they resolved that the best measure in the given case
would be that the fundamental piece, namely, the planet Earth,
should constantly send to its detached fragments, for their maintenance,
the sacred vibrations ‘askokin.’
“This sacred substance can be formed on planets only when
both fundamental cosmic laws operating in them, the sacred
‘Heptaparaparshinokh’ and the sacred ‘Triamazikamno,’ function,
as is called, ‘Ilnosoparno,’ that is to say, when the said sacred
cosmic laws in the given cosmic concentration are deflected independently
and also manifest on its surface independently—

of course independently only within certain limits.
“And so, my boy, inasmuch as such a cosmic actualization was
possible only with the sanction of HIS ENDLESSNESS, the Great
Archangel Sakaki, accompanied by several other sacred members
of that Most High Commission, set off immediately to HIS
ENDLESSNESS to beseech Him to give the said sanction.
“And afterwards, when the said Sacred Individuals had obtained
the sanction of HIS ENDLESSNESS for the actualization of the
Ilnosoparnian process on that planet also, and when this process
had been actualized under the direction of the same Great
Archangel Sakaki, then from that time on, on that planet also,
just as on many others, there began to arise the ‘Corresponding,’
owing to which the said detached fragments exist until now without
constituting a menace for a catastrophe on a great scale.
“Of these two fragments, the larger was named ‘Loonderperzo’
and the smaller ‘Anulios’; and the ordinary three-brained beings
who afterwards arose and were formed on this planet also at
first called them by these names; but the beings of later times
called them differently at different
periods, and in most recent times the larger fragment has come
to be called Moon, but the name of the smaller has been gradually
“As for the beings there now, not only have they no name at all
for this smaller fragment, but they do not even suspect its existence.
“It is interesting to notice here that the beings of a continent on
that planet called ‘Atlantis,’ which afterwards perished, still knew
of this second fragment of their planet and also called it Anulios,’
but the beings of the last period of the same continent, in whom
the results of the consequences of the properties of that organ
called ‘Kundabuffer’—about which, it now seems, I shall have to
explain to you even in great detail—had begun to be crystallized
and to become part of their common presences, called it
also ‘Kimespai,’ the meaning of which for them was ‘Never-Allowing-
“Contemporary three-brained beings of this peculiar planet do
not know of this former fragment of their planet, chiefly because
its comparatively small size and the remoteness of the place of
its movement make it quite invisible to their sight, and also because
no ‘grandmother’ ever told them that once upon a time
any such little satellite of their planet was known.
“And if any of them should by chance see it through their good,
but nevertheless child’s toy of theirs called a telescope, he would
pay no attention to it, mistaking it simply for a big aerolite.
“The contemporary beings will probably never see it again, since
it has become quite proper to their nature to see only unreality.
“Let us give them their due; during recent centuries they have
really most artistically mechanized themselves to see nothing
“So, my boy, owing to all the aforesaid, there first arose
on this planet Earth also, as there should, what are called
‘Sirnilitudes-of-the-Whole,’ or as they are also called
‘Microcosmoses,’ and further, there were formed from these
‘Microcosmoses,’ what are called ‘Oduristelnian’ and
‘Polormedekhtic’ vegetations.
“Still further, as also usually occurs, from the same
‘Microcosmoses’ there also began to be grouped various forms
of what are called ‘Tetartocosmoses’ of all three brain-systems.
“And among these latter there then first arose just those biped
‘Tetartocosmoses’ whom you a while ago called ‘slugs.’
“About how and why upon planets, during the transition of the
fundamental sacred laws into ‘Ilnosoparnian,’ there arise ‘Similitudes-
of-the-Whole’ and about what factors contribute to the
formation of one or another of these, as they are called, ‘systems
of being-brains,’ and also about all the laws of World-creation
and World-maintenance in general, I will explain to you specially
some other time.
“But meanwhile, know that these three-brained beings arising
on the planet Earth, who interest you, had in them in the beginning
the same possibilities for perfecting the functions for the
acquisition of being-Reason as have all other forms of
‘Tetartocosmoses’ arising throughout the whole Universe.
“But afterwards, just in the period when they also, as it proceeds
on other similar planets of our great Universe, were beginning
gradually to be spiritualized by what is called ‘being instinct,’
just then, unfortunately for them,there befell a misfortune which
was unforeseen from Above and most grievous for them.”
Subpages (1): Ch 10
Ch 10 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 10

Why "Men" are Not Men
Beelzebub sighed deeply and continued to speak as follows:
“After the actualizing on this planet of the ‘Ilnosoparnian’ process,
one year, by objective time-calculation, passed.
“During this period there had gradually been coordinated on
this planet also the corresponding processes for the involution
and evolution of everything arising there.
“And of course there began gradually to be crystallized in the
three-brained beings there the corresponding data for the acquisition
of objective Reason.
“In short, on this planet also everything had then already begun
to proceed in the usual normal order.
“And therefore, my boy, if the Most High Commission under the
supreme direction of the same Archangel Sakaki had not, at the
end of a year, gone there again, perhaps all the subsequent misunderstandings
connected with the three-brained beings arising on that ill-fated planet might
not have occurred.

“This second descent of the Most High Commission to that
planet was due to the fact that in spite of the measures they had
taken, of which I have told you, there had not yet crystallized in
the Reasons of the majority of its sacred members a complete
assurance of the impossibility of any undesirable surprise in the
future, and they now wished to verify on the spot the results of
those measures.
“It was just during this second descent that the Most High Commission
decided in any event, if only for the sake of their own
reassurance, to actualize certain further special measures, among
which was also that measure, the consequences of which have
not only gradually turned
into a stupendous terror for the three-brained

beings themselves who arise on this ill-fated planet, but have even become,
so to say, a malignant sore for the whole of the great Universe.
“You must know that by the time of this second descent of the
Most High Commission, there had already gradually been engendered
in them—as is proper to three-brained beings—what
is called ‘mechanical instinct.’
“The sacred members of this Most High Commission then reasoned
that if the said mechanical instinct in these biped three-brained
beings of that planet should develop towards the attainment
of Objective Reason—as usually occurs everywhere
among three-brained beings—then it might quite possibly happen
that they would prematurely comprehend the real cause of
their arising and existence and make a great deal of trouble; it
might happen that having understood the reason for their arising,
namely, that by their existence they should maintain the detached
fragments of their planet, and being convinced of this their
slavery to circumstances utterly foreign to them, they would be
unwilling to continue their existence and would on principle destroy
“So, my boy, in view of this the Most High Commission then
decided among other things provisionally to implant into the
common presences of the three-brained beings there a special
organ with a property such that, first, they should perceive reality
topsy-turvy and, secondly, that every repeated impression
from outside should crystallize in them data which would engender
factors for evoking in them sensations of ‘pleasure’ and
“And then, in fact, with the help of the Chief-Common-Universal-
Arch-Chemist-Physicist Angel Looisos, who was also among
the members of this Most High Commission, they caused to grow
in the three-brained beings there, in a special way, at the base of
their spinal column, at the
root of their tail—which they also, at that time,

still had, and which part of their common presences furthermore still had its
normal exterior expressing the, so to say, ‘fullness-of-its-inner-significance’—
a ‘something’ which assisted the arising of the said

properties in them.
“And this ‘something’ they then first called the ‘organ
“Having made this organ grow in the presences of the three brained
beings and having seen that it would work,the Most
High Commission consisting of Sacred Individuals headed by the
Archangel Sakaki, reassured and with good consciences, returned
to the Center, while there, on the planet Earth which has taken
your fancy, the action of this astonishing and exceedingly ingenious
invention began from the first day to develop, and developed,
as the wise Mullah Nassr Eddin would say—’like a Jericho trumpet-
“Now, in order that you may have at least an approximate understanding
of the results of the properties of the organ devised
and actualized by the incomparable Angel Looisos—blessed be
his name to all eternity—it is indispensable that you should know
about the various manifestations of the three-brained beings of
that planet, not only during the period when this organ
Kundabuffer existed in their presences, but also during the later
periods when, although this astonishing organ and its properties
had been destroyed in them, nevertheless, owing to many
causes, the consequences of its properties had begun to be crystallized
in their presences.
“But this I will explain to you later.
“Meanwhile you must note that there was still a third descent
of that Most High Commission to that planet, three years later
according to objective time-calculations, but this time it was under
the direction of the Most-Great-Arch-Seraph Sevohtartra, the
Most Great Archangel Sakaki 
having, in the meantime, become worthy
to become the divine Individual he
now is, namely, one of the four
Quarter-Maintainers of the whole Universe.
“And during just this third descent there, when it was made
clear by the thorough investigations of the sacred members of
this third Most High Commission that for the maintenance of the
existence of those said detached fragments there was no longer
any need to continue to actualize the deliberately taken anticipatory
measures, then among the other measures there was also
destroyed, with the help of the same Arch-Chemist-Physicist
Angel Looisos, in the presences of the three-brained beings there,
the said organ Kundabuffer with all its astonishing properties.
“But let us return to the tale I began.
“Now listen. When our confusion, caused by the recent catastrophe
that had menaced that whole solar system, had passed
off, we slowly, after this unexpected interruption, resumed the
settlement of our new place on the planet Mars.
“Little by little we all of us made ourselves familiar with the local
Nature and adapted ourselves to the existing conditions.
“As I have already said, many of us definitely settled down on
the planet Mars; and others, by the ship Occasion which had been
put at the disposal of the beings of our tribe for interplanetary
communication, either went or prepared to go to exist on other
planets of the same solar system.
“But I with my kinsmen and some of my near attendants remained
to exist on that planet Mars.
“Yes, I must note that by the time to which my tale refers, my
first Teskooano had already been set up in the observatory which
I had constructed on the planet Mars and I was just then devoting
myself entirely to
the further organization and development of this observatory

of mine, for the more detailed observation of the remote concentrations
of our great Universe and of the planets of this solar system.
“Among the objects of my observations, then, was also this planet Earth.
“Time passed.
“The process of existence on this planet also began gradually
to be established and it seemed, from all appearances, that the
process of existence was proceeding there just as on all other
“But by close observation, first, it could be clearly seen that the
numbers of these three-brained beings were gradually increasing
and, secondly, it was possible sometimes to observe very
strange manifestations of theirs; that is, from time to time they
did something which was never done by three-brained beings
on other planets, namely, they would suddenly, without rhyme
or reason, begin destroying one another’s existence.
“Sometimes this destruction of one another’s existence proceeded
there not in one region alone but in several, and would
last not just one ‘Dionosk’ but many ‘Dionosks’ and sometimes
even for whole ‘Ornakras.’ (Dionosk signifies ‘day’; Ornakra signifies
It was sometimes very noticeable also that from this horrible
process of theirs their numbers rapidly diminished; but on the
other hand, during other periods, when there was a lull in these
processes, their numbers also very noticeably increased.
“To this peculiarity of theirs we gradually got used, having explained
it to ourselves that obviously, for certain higher considerations,
these properties also must deliberately have been given
to the organ Kundabuffer by the Most High Commission; in other
words, seeing the fecundity of these biped beings, we assumed
that this had been
done with aforethought, in view of the necessity

that they should exist in such large numbers for the needs of the
maintenance of
the common-cosmic Harmonious Movement.
“Had it not been for this strange peculiarity of theirs, it would
never have entered anybody’s head that there was anything
‘queer’ on that planet.
“During the period to which the aforesaid refers, I visited most
of the planets of that solar system, the populated and the as yet
“Personally I liked best of all the three-centered beings breeding
on the planet bearing the name Saturn, whose exterior is quite
unlike ours, but resembles that of the being-bird raven.
“It is interesting, by the way, to remark that for some reason or
other, the form of being-bird raven breeds not only on almost all
the planets of this solar system, but also on most of those other
planets of the whole of our great Universe upon which beings of
various brain systems arise and are coated with planetary bodies
of different forms.
“The verbal intercourse of these beings, ravens, of that planet
Saturn is something like ours.
“But in regard to their utterance, it is in my opinion the most
beautiful of any I have ever heard.
“It can be compared to the singing of our best singers when
with all their Being they sing in a minor key.
“And as for their relations with others, they—I don’t even know
how to describe them—can be known only by existing among
them and by experiencing them oneself.
“All that can be said is that these bird-beings have hearts exactly
like those of the angels nearest our ENDLESS MAKER AND CREATOR.
“They exist strictly according to the ninth commandment
of our CREATOR, namely: ‘Do unto another’s as you would do
unto your own.’
“Later, I must certainly tell you much more in detail about those
three-brained beings also who arise and exist on the planet Saturn,
since one of my real friends during the whole period of my
exile in that solar system was a being of just that planet, who
had the exterior coating of a raven and whose name was ‘Harharkh.’”
Subpages (1): Ch 11
Ch 11 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 11

A Piquant Trait of the Peculiar Psyche of Contemporary Man
 Now let us return to those three-brained beings arising on the

planet Earth, who have interested you most of all and whom you
have called ‘slugs.’
“I shall begin by saying how glad I am that you happen to be a
long way from those three-centered beings whom you called by
a word so ‘insulting to their dignity’ and that they are not likely
ever to hear of it.
“Do you know, you poor thing, you small boy not yet aware of
himself, what they would do to you, particularly the contemporary
beings there, if they should hear what you called them?
“What they would have done to you if you had been there and
if they had got hold of you—I am seized with horror at the very
mention of it.
“At best they would have thrashed you so, that as our Mullah
Nassr Eddin there says, ‘you wouldn’t have recovered your senses
before the next crop of birches.’
“In any case, I advise you that, whenever you start anything new,
you should always bless Fate and beseech her mercy, that she
should always be on guard and prevent the beings of the planet
Earth from ever suspecting that you, my beloved and only grandson,
dared to call them ‘slugs.’
“You must know that during the time of my observations of
them from the planet Mars and during the periods of my existence
among them, I studied the psyche of these strange three-brained
beings very thoroughly, and so I already know very well
what they would do to anybody who dared to give them such a
“To be sure, it was only in childish naivete that you called them
so; but the three-brained beings of that peculiar planet, especially
the contemporary ones, do not discriminate such fine
“Who called them, why, and in what circumstances— it’s all one.
They have been called by a name they consider insulting—and
that’s quite enough.
“Discrimination in such matters is, according to the understanding
of most of them, simply, as they express it, ‘pouring from the
empty into the void.’
“Be that as it may, you were in any case extremely rash to call
the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth by such
an offensive name; first, because you have made me anxious for
you, and secondly, because you have laid up for yourself a menace
for the future.
“The position is this: Though, as I have already said, you are a
long way off, and they will be unable to get at you to punish you
personally, yet nevertheless if they should somehow unexpectedly
chance to learn even at twentieth hand how you insulted
them, then you could at once be sure of their real ‘anathema,’
and the dimensions of this anathema would depend upon the
interests with which they happened to be occupied at the given
“Perhaps it is worth while describing to you how the beings of
the Earth would behave if they should happen to learn that you
had so insulted them. This description may serve as a very good
example for the elucidation of the strangeness of the psyche of
these three-brained beings who interest you.
“Provoked by such an incident as your thus insulting them, if
everything was rather ‘dull’ with them at the given moment, owing
to the absence of any other similar absurd interest, they would
arrange somewhere in a previously chosen place, with previously
invited people, all of
course dressed in costumes specially designed

for such occasions,what is called a ‘solemn council.’
“First of all, for this ‘solemn council’ of theirs, they would select
from among themselves what is called a ‘president’ and only then
would they proceed with their ‘trial.’
“To begin with, they would, as they say there, ‘pick you to pieces,’
and not only you, but your father, your grandfather, and perhaps
even all the way back to Adam.
“If they should then decide—of course, as always, by a majority
of votes—that you are guilty, they would sentence you according
to the indications of a code of laws collated on the basis of
former similar ‘puppet plays’ by beings called ‘old fossils.’
“But if they should happen, by a ‘majority of votes’ to find nothing
criminal in your action at all—though this very seldom occurs
among them—then this whole ‘trial’ of theirs, set out on
paper in detail and signed by the whole lot of them, would be
dispatched—you would think into the wastepaper basket? Oh,
no!—to appropriate specialists; in the given instances to what is
called the ‘Hierarchy’ or ‘Holy Synod,’ where the same procedure
would be repeated; only in this case you would be tried by ‘important’
beings there.
“Only at the very end of this true ‘pouring from the empty into
the void’ would they come to the main point, namely, that the
accused is out of reach.
“But it is just here that arises the principal danger to your person,
namely, that when they are quite certain beyond all doubt
that they cannot get hold of you, they will then unanimously decide
nothing more nor less than, as I have already said, to ‘anathematize’
“And do you know what that is and how it is done?
“Then listen and shudder.
“The most ‘important’ beings will decree to all the other beings
that in all their appointed establishments, such as what are called
‘churches,’ ‘chapels,’ ‘synagogues,’ ‘town-halls,’ and so on, special
officials shall on special occasions with appointed ceremonies
wish for you in thought something like the following:
“That you should lose your horns, or that your hair should turn
prematurely gray, or that the food in your stomach should be
turned into coffin nails, or that your future wife’s tongue should
be three times its size, or that whenever you take a bite of your
pet pie it should be turned into ‘soap,’ and so on and so forth in
the same strain.
“Do you now understand to what dangers you exposed yourself
when you called these remote three-brained freaks ‘slugs’?”
Having finished thus, Beelzebub looked with a smile on his favorite.
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Ch 12 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 12

The First "Growl"

A little later, Beelzebub began to speak as follows:
“A story I have just recalled, connected with these ‘anathemas’ I
have mentioned, may provide very useful material for beginning
to comprehend the strangeness of the psyche of the three-brained
beings of that planet which has taken your fancy; and
furthermore, this story may reassure you a little and give you
some hope that if these peculiar terrestrial beings should chance
to learn how you had insulted them and should ‘anathematize’
you, then perhaps after all something ‘not so very bad’ might
come of it for you.
“The story I am going to tell you occurred quite recently among
the contemporary three-brained beings there, and it arose from
the following events:
“In one of these large communities, there peaceably existed an
ordinary being who was by profession what is there called a
“You must here know, that in long-past ages one might still occasionally
run across beings of that profession who still invented
and wrote something really by themselves; but in these later
epochs the ‘writers’ among the beings there, particularly among
contemporary beings, have been of those that only copy from
many already existing books all kinds of ideas, and by fitting them
together make a ‘new book.’
“And they prefer books which have reached them from their
very remote ancestors.
“It is necessary to remark that the books written by contemporary
‘writers’ there are, all taken together, the principal cause that
the Reason of all the other three-brained beings is becoming
more and more what the
venerable Mullah Nassr Eddin calls ‘stuff and nonsense.’

“And so, my boy:
“The contemporary writer of whom I began to speak was just a
‘writer’ like all the rest there, and nothing particular in himself.
“Once when he had finished some book or other, he began to
think what he should write about next, and with this in view, he
decided to look for some new ‘idea in the books contained in his
what is called library,’ such as every writer there is bound to have.
“As he was looking, a book called ‘the Gospels’ happened to fall
into his hands.
“‘The Gospels’ is the name given there to a book once written
by certain persons called Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John about
Jesus Christ, a Messenger from our ENDLESSNESS to that planet.
“This book is widely circulated among those three-centered
beings there who nominally exist according to the indications of
this Messenger.
“This book having chanced to fall into this writer’s hands, the
thought suddenly entered his head: Why should not I also make
a ‘Gospel’?
“From investigations I had to make for quite different needs of
mine, it turned out that he then further deliberated as follows:
“Am I any worse than those ancient barbarians, Matthew, Mark,
Luke, and Johnnie?
“At least I am more “cultured” than they ever were; and I can
write a much better “gospel” for my contemporaries.
“And very decidedly it is necessary to write just a “Gospel” because
the contemporary people called “English” and “American”
have a great weakness for this book, and the rate of exchange of
their pounds and dollars is “not half bad” just now.’
“No sooner said than done.
“And from that very day he ‘wiseacred’ away at his new ‘Gospel.’
But it was only when he had finished it, however, and had
given it to the printers, that all the further events connected with
this new ‘Gospel’ of his began.
“At any other time, nothing perhaps would have happened, and
this new ‘Gospel’ of his would simply have slipped into its niche
in the libraries of the bibliomaniacs there, among the multitudes
of other books expounding similar ‘truths.’
“But fortunately or unfortunately for this writer, it happened that
certain ‘power-possessing’ beings of that great community in
which he existed had just been having rotten luck at what is called
‘roulette’ and ‘baccarat’ and they therefore kept on demanding
what they called ‘money’ from the ordinary beings of their community,
whereupon, thanks to these inordinate demands for
money, the ordinary beings of that community at length awoke
from their usual what is called torpor and ‘began-to-sit-up.’
Seeing this, the ‘power-possessing’ beings who remained at
home became alarmed and took corresponding ‘measures.’
“And among the ‘measures’ they took was also the immediate
destruction from off the face of their planet of everything newly
arising in their native land, such as could possibly keep the ordinary
beings of their community from resuming their hibernation.
“And it was just at this time that the aforementioned ‘Gospel’ of
this writer appeared.
“In the contents of this new ‘Gospel’ also, the ‘power-possessing’
beings found something which also to their understanding
might keep the ordinary beings of their community from hibernating
again; and they therefore decided almost immediately to
‘get rid of both the writer
himself and his ‘Gospel’—because they had

now become quite expert in ‘getting rid of these native ‘upstarts’
who did not mind their own business.
“But for certain reasons they could not treat this writer in this
way, and so they got excited, and hemmed and hawed about
what they should do.
“Some proposed that they should simply shut him up where
many ‘rats’ and ‘lice’ breed; others proposed to send him to
‘Timbuktu’; and so on and so forth; but in the end they decided
to anathematize this writer together with his ‘Gospel,’ publicly
and punctiliously according to all the rules, and moreover with
the very same ‘anathema’ with which no doubt they would have
anathematized you also if they had learned how you had insulted
“And so, my boy, the strangeness of the psyche of the contemporary
three-brained beings of this peculiar planet was revealed
in the given instance in this, that when this writer and his ‘Gospel’
had been publicly anathematized with this ‘anathema,’ the result
for him was, as the highly esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin once
again says: ‘just roses, roses.’
“What occurred was as follows:
“The ordinary beings of the said community, seeing the fuss
made about this writer by the power-possessing beings, became
very greatly interested in him and avidly bought and read not
only this new ‘Gospel’ of his but also all the books he had written
“Whereupon, as usually happens with the three-centered beings
breeding on this peculiar planet, all the other interests of
the beings of the said community gradually died down, and they
talked and thought only of this writer.
“And as it also happens—whereas some praised him to the
skies, others condemned him; and the result of these discussions
and conversations was that the numbers interested in him grew
not only among the beings of his own
community but among the beings
of other communities also.
“And this occurred because some of the power-possessing beings
of this community, usually with pockets full of money, still
continued in their turn to go to other communities where ‘roulette’
and ‘baccarat’ proceeded and, carrying on their discussion
there concerning this writer, they gradually infected the beings
of other communities also with this affair.
“In short, owing to the strangeness of their psyche, it has gradually
come about there that even at the present time, when this
writer’s ‘Gospel’ has been long forgotten, his name is known almost
everywhere as that of an ‘excellent writer.’
“Anything he writes now, they all seize upon and regard as full
of indisputable truth.
“Everybody today looks upon his writings with the same veneration
with which the ancient Kalkians there listened to the predictions
of their sacred ‘Pythoness.’
“It is interesting to notice here that if at the present time you
ask any being there about this writer, he would know him and of
course speak of him as an extraordinary being.
“But if you were then to ask what he wrote, it would turn out
that most of them, if of course they confessed the truth, had never
read a single one of his books.
“All the same they would talk about him, discuss him, and of
course splutteringly insist that he was a being with an ‘extraordinary
mind’ and phenomenally well acquainted with the psyche
of the beings dwelling on the planet Earth.”
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Ch 13 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 13

Why in Man`s Reason Fantasy May Be Perceived as Reality
My dear and kind Grandfather, be so kind as to explain
to me, if only in a general way, why those beings there are
such that they take the ‘ephemeral’ for the Real.”
To this question of his grandson, Beelzebub replied
“It was only during later periods that the three-brained
beings of the planet Earth began to have this
particularity in their psyche, and just this particularity
arose in them only because their predominant part,
which was formed in them as in all three-brained
beings, gradually allowed other parts of their total presences
to perceive every new impression without what
is called ‘being-Partkdolg-duty’ but just merely as, in
general, such impressions are perceived by the separate
independent localizations existing under the name of
being-centers present in the three-brained beings, or, as
I should say in their language, they believe everything
anybody says, and not solely that which they themselves
have been able to recognize by their own sane deliberation.
“In general, any new understanding is crystallized in
the presence of these strange beings only if Smith speaks
of somebody or something in a certain way; and then if
Brown says the same, the hearer is quite convinced it is
just so and couldn’t possibly be otherwise. Thanks merely
to this particularity of their psyche and to the fact that the
said writer was much spoken about in the said manner,
most of the beings there at the present time are quite convinced
that he is indeed a very great psychologist and
has an incomparable knowledge of the psyche of the beings
of his planet.
“But, as a matter of fact, when I was on that planet for
the last time and, having heard of the said writer, once
went myself especially to see him, on quite another matter,
he was according to my understanding not only like
all the other contemporary writers there, that is to say, extremely
limited, and as our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin
would say: ‘able to see no further than his nose,’ but as regards
any knowledge of the real psyche of the beings of
his planet in real conditions, he might safely even be
called ‘totally illiterate.’
“I repeat that the story of this writer is a very characteristic
example showing the extent to which, in the three-brained
beings who have taken your fancy, particularly
in the contemporary ones, the realization of ‘being-
Partkdolg-duty’ is absent, and how their own subjective
being-convictions formed by their own logical deliberations
are never, as in general it is proper to three-brained
beings, crystallized in them, but only those are crystallized
which depend exclusively only upon what others say
about the given question.
“It was only because they failed to realize ‘being-Partkdolg-
duty,’ which realization alone enables a being to become
aware of genuine reality, that they saw in the said
writer some perfection or other which was not there at all.
“This strange trait of their general psyche, namely, of
being satisfied with just what Smith or Brown says, without
trying to know more, became rooted in them already
long ago, and now they no longer strive at all to know anything
cognizable by their own active deliberations alone.
“Concerning all this it must be said that neither the organ
Kundabuffer which their ancestors had is to blame,
nor its consequences which, owing to a mistake on the
part of certain Sacred Individuals, were crystallized in
their ancestors and later began to pass by heredity from generation
to generation.
“But they themselves were personally to blame for it,
and just on account of the abnormal conditions of external
ordinary being-existence which they themselves have
gradually established and which have gradually formed in
their common presence just what has now become their
inner ‘Evil-God,’ called ‘Self-Calming.’
“But all this you yourself, later on, will well understand,
when I shall have given you, as I have already
promised, more information about that planet which has
taken your fancy.
“In any case, I strongly advise you to be very careful in
the future in your references to the three-brained beings of
that planet, not to offend them in any way; otherwise—as
they also say there, ‘With what may the Devil not joke?’—
they might find out about your insulting them and, to use
another of their expressions, ‘lay you by the heels.’
“And in the present case there is no harm in recalling
again one of the wise sentences of our dear Mullah Nassr
Eddin, who says:
‘Struth! What might not happen in this world. A flea
might swallow an elephant.’
Beelzebub intended to say something more, but at that
moment a ship’s servant entered and, approaching, handed
him an “etherogram” in his name.
When Beelzebub had finished listening to the contents of
the said “etherogram” and the ship’s servant had gone, Hassein
turned to Beelzebub again with the following words:
“Dear Grandfather, please go on talking about the
three-centered beings arising and existing on that interesting
planet called Earth.”
Beelzebub having looked at his grandson again with a
special smile, and having made a very strange gesture with
his head, continued to speak as follows:
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Ch 14 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 14

The Beginnings of Perspectives Promising Nothing Very Cheerful
I must tell you first that the three-brained beings on
that planet also had in the beginning presences similar
to those possessed in general by all what are called
’Keschapmartnian’ three-centered beings arising on all
the corresponding planets of the whole of our great
Universe; and they also had the same, as it is called,
’duration of existence’ as all the other three-brained
 “All the various changes in their presences began for the

most part after the second misfortune occurred to this
planet, during which misfortune the chief continent of
that ill-fated planet, then existing under the name ‘Atlantis,’
entered within the planet.
“And from that time on, as little by little they created
for themselves all sorts of conditions of external being existence
thanks to which the quality of their radiations
went steadily from bad to worse, Great Nature was compelled
gradually to transform their common presences by
means of various compromises and changes, in order to
regulate the quality of the vibrations which they radiated
and which were required chiefly for the preservation of
the well-being of the former parts of that planet.
“For the same reason, Great Nature gradually so increased
the numbers of the beings there that at the present
time they are now breeding on all the lands formed
on that planet.
“The exterior forms of their planetary bodies are all
made alike, and of course in respect of size and in their
other subjective particularities, they are each coated, just
as we are, in accordance with the reflection of heredity,
with the
conditions at the moment of conception and
with the other factors that serve in general as the causes
for the arising and formation of every being.
“They also differ among themselves in the color of their
skin and in the conformation of their hair, and these latter
particularities are determined in their presences, just as
they are everywhere else, by the effects of that part of the
planetary surface where the given beings arise and where
they are formed until they reach the age of responsible beings,
or as they say, until they become ‘adult.’
“As regards their general’ psyche itself and its fundamental
traits, no matter upon what part of the surface of
their planet they arise, these traits in all of them have precisely
the same particularities, among them being also that
property of the three-brained beings there, thanks to
which on that strange planet alone in the whole of the
Universe does that horrible process occur among three-brained
beings which is called the ‘process of the destruction
of each other’s existence,’ or, as it is called on that
ill-fated planet, ‘war.’
“Besides this chief particularity of their common
psyche, there are completely crystallized in them and there
unfailingly become a part of their common presences—regardless
of where they may arise and exist—functions
which exist under the names ‘egoism,’ ‘self-love,’ Vanity,’
’pride,’ ‘self-conceit,’ ‘credulity,’ ‘suggestibility,’ and many
other properties quite abnormal and quite unbecoming to
the essence of any three-brained beings whatsoever.
“Of these abnormal being-particularities, the particularity
of their psyche the most terrible for them personally
is that which is called ‘suggestibility.’
“About this extremely strange and singular psychic particularity
I shall specially explain to you sometime.”
Having said this, Beelzebub was thoughtful, and this
time longer
than usual, and then, turning again to his
grandson, he said:
“I see that the three-brained beings arising and existing
on the peculiar planet called Earth interest you very
much, and as during our voyage on the ship Karnak we
shall have willy-nilly to talk about many things just to
pass away the time, I will tell you all I can just about these
three-brained beings.
“I think it will be best for your clear understanding of
the strangeness of the psyche of the three-brained beings
arising on the planet Earth if I relate to you my personal
descents to that planet in their order, and the events
which occurred there during these descents of mine, of
which I myself was a witness.
“I personally visited the surface of the planet Earth six
times in all, and each of these personal visits of mine was
brought about by a different set of circumstances.
“I shall begin with my first descent.”
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Ch 15 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 15

The First Decent of Beelzebub Upon the Planet Earth
“Upon that planet Earth,” Beelzebub began to relate, “I
descended for the first time on account of a young being
of our tribe who had had the misfortune to become
deeply involved with a three-brained being there, as a consequence
of which he had got himself mixed up in a very stupid affair.
“There once came to my house on the planet Mars a
number of beings of our tribe, also dwelling there on Mars,
with the following request:
“They told me that one of their young kinsmen,
350 Martian years before, had migrated to exist on
the planet Earth, and that a very disagreeable incident
for all of us, his kinsmen, had recently occurred to him there.
“They told me further:
“‘We, his kinsmen, both those existing there on the
planet Earth and those existing here on the planet Mars, intended
at first to deal with the unpleasant incident ourselves,
with our own resources. But notwithstanding all our
efforts and the measures we have adopted we have been unable
so far to accomplish anything.
“‘And being now finally convinced that we are unable to
settle this unpleasant affair by ourselves independently,
we venture to trouble you, your Right Reverence, and
urgently beseech you to be so kind as not to withhold from
us your wise advice how we may find a way out of our unhappy
“They told me further in detail in what the misfortune
which had befallen them consisted.
“From all they told me I saw that the incident was disagreeable
not only for this young being’s kinsmen, but that it might also
prove disagreeable for the beings of all our tribe.
“So I could not help deciding at once to undertake to
help them to settle this difficulty of theirs.
“At first I tried to help them while remaining on
the planet Mars, but when I became certain that it
would be impossible to do anything effective from the
planet Mars, I decided to descend to the planet Earth and
there, on the spot, to find some way out. The next day after
this decision of mine, I took with me everything necessary
which I had at hand and flew there on the ship Occasion.
“I may remind you that the ship Occasion was the ship
on which all the beings of our tribe were transported to
that solar system and, as I have already told you, it was
left there for the use of the beings of our tribe for the purpose
of interplanetary communication.
“The permanent port of this ship was on the planet
Mars; and its supreme direction had been given me from Above.
“Thus it was on this same ship Occasion that I made my
first descent to the planet Earth.
“Our ship landed on this first visit of mine, on the
shores of just that continent which during the second catastrophe
to this planet, disappeared entirely from its surface.
“This continent was called ‘Atlantis’ and most of the
three-brained beings, and likewise most of the beings of
our tribe, then existed only upon it.
“Having descended, I went straight from the ship Occasion
to the city named ‘Samlios,’ situated on the said
continent, where that unfortunate being of our tribe, who
was the cause of this descent of mine, had the place of his
“The city ‘Samlios’ was then a very large city, and was
the capital of the largest community then on the planet Earth.
“In this same city the head of this large community existed who was
called ‘King Appolis.’
“And it was with just this same King Appolis that our
young, inexperienced countryman had become involved.
“And it was in this city of ‘Samlios’ itself that I learned
all the details of this affair.
“I learned, namely, that before this incident our unfortunate
countryman had for some reason been on friendly
terms with this King Appolis, and was often at his house.
“As it transpired, our young countryman once, in the
course of conversation during a visit to the house of King
Appolis, made a ‘wager’ which was just the cause of all
that followed.
“You must first of all know that both the community of
which King Appolis was the head and the city of Samlios
where he existed were at that period the greatest and richest
of all the communities and cities then existing on the Earth.
“For the upkeep of all this wealth and grandeur King
Appolis certainly needed both a great deal of what is called
’money’ and a great deal of labor from the ordinary beings
of that community.
“It is necessary to premise just here that at the period
of my first descent in person onto this planet, the organ
Kundabuffer was no longer in the three-brained beings
who interest you.
“And it was only in some of the three-brained beings
there that various consequences of the properties of that
for them maleficent organ had already begun to be crystallized.
“In the period to which this tale of mine refers, one of
the consequences of the properties of this organ which
had already become thoroughly crystallized in a number
of beings
there was that consequence of the property
which, while the organ Kundabuffer itself was still
functioning in them, had enabled them very easily and
without any ‘remorse-of-conscience’ not to carry out
voluntarily any duties taken upon themselves or given
them by a superior. But every duty they fulfilled was fulfilled
only from the fear and apprehension of ‘threats’ and ‘
’menaces’ from outside.
“It was in just this same consequence of this property
already thoroughly crystallized in some beings of that period
there, that the cause of this whole incident lay.
“And so, my boy, this is how it was. King Appolis,
who had been extremely conscientious in respect of the
duties he had taken upon himself for the maintenance of
the greatness of the community entrusted to him, had
spared neither his own labor nor wealth, and at the same
time he demanded the same from all the beings of his community.
“But, as I have already said, the mentioned consequences
of the organ Kundabuffer having by that time
been thoroughly crystallized in certain of his subjects, he
had to employ every possible kind of ‘threat’ and ‘menace’
in order to extract from everybody all that was required
for the greatness of the community entrusted to him.
“His methods were so varied and at the same time so
reasonable that even those of his ‘subjects-beings’ in
whom the said consequences had already been crystallized
could not help respecting him, although they added to
his name, of course behind his back, the nickname ‘Archcunning.’
“And so, my boy, these means by which King Appolis
then obtained what was necessary from his subjects for the
maintenance of the greatness of the community entrusted
to him seemed to our young countryman, for some reason
or other, unjust, and, as it was said, he often became
very indignant
and restless whenever he happened to hear
of some new device of King Appolis for getting what was necessary.
“And once, while talking with the King himself, our
naive young countryman could not restrain himself, but
expressed to his face his indignation and his views of this
’unconscionable’ conduct of King Appolis towards his subjects.
“Not only did King Appolis not fly into a temper, as
usually happens on the planet Earth when somebody
pokes his nose where he has no business, nor did he pitch
him out by the scruff of his neck, but he even talked it
over with him and discussed the reasons for his ‘severity.’
“They talked a great deal and the result of the whole of
their conversation was precisely a ‘wager,’ that is to say
they made an agreement and set it down on paper, and
each of them signed it with his own blood.
“Among other things there was included in this agreement
that for the obtaining from his subjects of all that
was necessary King Appolis should be obliged to employ
thereafter only those measures and means which should
be indicated by our countryman.
“And in the event that all his subjects should fail to
contribute all that which according to custom was required,
then our countryman would become responsible
for everything, and he pledged himself to procure for the
treasury of King Appolis as much as was necessary for the
maintenance and further aggrandizement of the capital
and of the whole community.
“And so, my boy, King Appolis did indeed, from the
very next day, fulfill very honorably the obligation which
according to the agreement he had assumed; and he conducted
the whole government of the country exactly according
to the indications of our young countryman. The
results of a government of this kind, however, very soon
to be quite the opposite of those expected by our simpleton.
“The subjects of that community—principally, of
course, those in whom the said consequences of the properties of
the organ Kundabuffer had already been crystallized—
not only ceased to pay into King Appolis’ treasury
what was required, but they even began gradually snatching
back what had been put in before.
“As our countryman had undertaken to contribute
what was needed and, furthermore, had signed his undertaking
with his blood—and you know, don’t you, what
the voluntary undertaking of an obligation, especially
when signed with his blood, means to one of our tribe—
he had of course soon to begin making up to the treasury
all that was short.
“He first put in everything he had himself, and afterwards
everything he could get from his nearests, dwelling
also there on the planet Earth. And when he had drained
dry his nearests there, he addressed himself for assistance
to his nearests dwelling on the planet Mars.
“But soon on the planet Mars also everything ran dry
and still the treasury of the city of Samlios demanded more
and again more; nor was the end of its needs in sight.
“It was just then that all the kinsmen of this countryman
of ours became alarmed and thereupon they decided
to address themselves to me with the request to help them
out of their plight.
“So, my boy, when we arrived in the said city I was met
by all the beings of our tribe, both old and young, who
had remained on that planet.
“In the evening of the same day a general meeting was
called to confer together to find some way out of the situation
that had arisen.
“To this conference of ours there was also invited King
Appolis himself with whom our elder countrymen had
previously had many talks on this matter with this
aim in view.
“At this first general conference of ours, King Appolis,
addressing himself to all, said as follows:
‘“Impartial friends! “‘I personally am deeply sorry for what has
occurred and what has brought about so many troubles for
those assembled here; and I am distressed in all my being that it
is beyond my power to extricate you from your prospective difficulties.
“‘You must know, indeed,’ King Appolis continued,
’that the machinery of the government of my community
which has been wound up and organized during many
centuries, is at the present time already radically changed;
and to revert to the old order is already impossible without
serious consequences, namely, without those consequences
which must doubtless evoke the indignation of
the majority of my subjects. The present situation is such
that I alone am not able to abolish what has been created
without provoking the mentioned serious consequences,
and I therefore beg you all in the name of Justice to help
me to deal with it.
‘“Still further,’ he then added, ‘I bitterly reproach myself
in the presence of you all, because I also am greatly to
blame for all these misfortunes.
“‘And I am to blame because I ought to have foreseen
what has occurred, since I have existed in these conditions
longer than my opponent and your kinsman, namely, he
with whom I made the agreement known to you.
“‘To tell the truth it was unpardonable of me to risk entering
into such conditions with a being who, although he
may be of much higher Reason than I, is, nevertheless,
not so practiced in such affairs as I am.
‘“Once more I beg all of you, and your Right Reverence
in particular, to forgive me and to help me out of this sad
plight, and enable me to find some issue from the situation
that has been created.
‘“With things as they now are, I can at present do only
what you will indicate.’
“After King Appolis had left, we decided the same
evening to select from among ourselves several experienced
elderly beings who should weigh together, that
same night, all the data and draw up a rough plan for further
“The rest of us then departed on the understanding
that we should assemble the ensuing evening at the same
place; but to this second conference of ours King Appolis
was not invited.
“When we assembled the next day, one of the elder beings,
elected the night before, first reported as follows:
“‘We pondered and deliberated the whole night upon
all the details of this lamentable event, and as a result we
have unanimously come to the conclusion first of all that
there is no way out but to revert to the former conditions
of government.
‘“Further, we all, and also unanimously, agree that to return
to the former order of government must indeed inevitably
provoke a revolt of the citizens of the community,
and, of course, that there will certainly follow all those consequences
of revolt which have already become inevitable in such
circumstances during recent times on Earth.
“‘And of course, as has also become usual here, many of
those so-called “power-possessing” beings of this community
will suffer terribly, even possibly to the degree of their
complete destruction; and above all, it seemed impossible
that King Appolis could escape such a fate.
“‘Thereafter we deliberated in order, if possible, to devise
some means of diverting the said unhappy consequences
at least from King Appolis himself.
‘“And we had every wish to devise such a means because
at our general conference yesterday evening King Appolis
himself was very frank and friendly towards us, and we
should all be extremely sorry if he himself should suffer.
“‘During our further prolonged deliberations we came
to the conclusion that it would be possible to divert the
blow from King Appolis only if during the said revolt the
exhibition of the fury of the rebellious beings of this community
was directed not against the King himself but
against those around him, that is, those who are there
called his “administration.”
“‘But then the question arose among us, would those
near the King be willing to take upon themselves the consequences
of all this?
“And we came to the categorical conclusion that they
certainly would not agree, because they would assuredly
consider that the King himself had been alone to blame
for it all, and that therefore he himself should pay for it.
“‘Having come to all these aforesaid conclusions we finally
also unanimously decided as follows:
“‘In order at least to save King Appolis from what is inevitably
expected, we must with the consent of the King
himself replace all the beings in this community who now
hold responsible posts, by beings of our tribe, and each of
these latter, during the climax of this “psychosis” of the
masses, must take upon himself a share of the consequences
“When this elected being of ours had finished his report
our opinion was quickly formed, and a unanimous
resolution was carried to do just as the elder beings of our
tribe had advised.
“And thereupon we first sent one of our elder beings to
King Appolis to put our plan before him, to which the
latter agreed, once more repeating his promise, namely,
that he would do everything according to our directions.
“We then decided to delay no longer and from the following
day to begin to replace all the officials by our own.
“But after two days it turned out that there were not
sufficient beings of our tribe dwelling on the planet Earth
to replace all the officials of that community; and we
therefore immediately sent the Occasion back to the planet
Mars for our beings there.
“And meanwhile King Appolis guided by two of our elder
beings, began under different pretexts replacing various
officials by our beings, at first in the capital of Samlios
“And when several days later our ship Occasion arrived
from the planet Mars with beings of our tribe, similar replacements
were made in the provinces also, and soon
everywhere in that community what are called the responsible
posts were filled by the beings of our tribe.
“And when all had been changed in this way, King Appolis,
always under the guidance of these elder beings of
ours, began the restoration of the former code of regulations
for the administration of the community.
“Almost from the very first days of the restoration of
the old code, the effects upon the general psyche of the
beings of that community in whom the consequences of
the mentioned property of the maleficent organ Kundabuffer
had already been thoroughly crystallized began, as
it was expected, to manifest themselves.
“Thus the expected discontent grew thereupon from
day to day, until one day, not long after, there occurred
just that which has ever since been definitely proper to be
present in the presence of the three-brained beings there
of all ensuing periods, and that is, to produce from time
to time the process which they themselves nowadays call
“And during their revolution of that time, as it has also
become proper there to these three-brained phenomena of our
Great Universe, they destroyed a great deal of the
property which they had accumulated during centuries,
much of what is called the ‘knowledge’ which they had attained
during centuries also was destroyed and lost forever,
and the existence of those other beings similar to
themselves who had already chanced upon the means of
freeing themselves from the consequences of the proper
ties of the organ Kundabuffer were also destroyed.
“It is extremely interesting to notice here one exceedingly
astonishing and incomprehensible fact.
“And that is that during their later revolutions of this
kind, almost all the three-brained beings there or at least
the overwhelming majority who begin to fall into such a
’psychosis,’ always destroy for some reason or other the
existence of just such other beings like themselves, as
have, for some reason or other, chanced to find themselves
more or less on the track of the means of becoming free
from the crystallization in themselves of the consequences
of the properties of that maleficent organ Kundabuffer
which unfortunately their ancestors possessed.
“So, my boy, while the process of this revolution of
theirs was running its course, King Appolis himself existed
in one of his suburban palaces of the city of Samlios.
“Nobody laid a finger on him, because our beings had
arranged by their propaganda that the whole blame should
be placed not upon King Appolis but upon those surrounding
him, that is, as they are called, his administration.
“Moreover, the beings who had fallen into the said psychosis
even ‘suffered grief and really pitied their king,
saying that it was because their ‘poor King’ had been surrounded
by such unconscionable and ungrateful subordinates
that these undesirable revolutions had occurred.
“And when the revolutionary psychosis had quite died
down, King Appolis returned to the city of Samlios and
with the help of our elder beings, gradually began
replacing our countrymen either by those of his old subordinates
who were still alive, or by selecting absolutely
new ones from among his other subjects.
“And when the earlier policy of King Appolis towards
his subjects had been re-established, then the citizens of
this community resumed filling the treasury with money
as usual and carrying out the directions of their King, and
the affairs of the community settled again into the former
already established tempo.
“As for our naive, unfortunate countryman who was
the cause of it all, it was so painful to him that he would
no longer remain upon that planet that had proved so disastrous
for him, but he returned with us to the planet Mars.
“And later on he became there an even excellent bailiff
for all the beings of our tribe.”
Subpages (1): Ch 16
Ch 16 - Beelzebub`s Tales to His Grandson
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Ch 16

The Relative Understanding of Time
After a short pause Beelzebub continued thus:
“Before telling you further about the three-brained beings
who have taken your fancy and who breed on the
planet Earth, it is in my opinion absolutely necessary for
you, for a clear representation of the strangeness of their
psyche and, in general, for a better understanding of
everything concerning this peculiar planet, first of all to
have an accurate representation of their time-calculation,
and of how the being-sensation of what is called the
’process-of-the-flow-of-time’ in the presences of the three-brained
beings of that planet has gradually changed and
also of how this process now flows in the presences of the
contemporary three-brained beings there.
“It must be made clear to you because only then will
you have the possibility clearly to represent to yourself
and understand the events there which I have already related
and those I shall yet relate.
“You must first know that for the definition of Time,
the three-brained beings of that planet take the ‘year’ as
the basic unit of their time-calculation, just as we do, and
also, like us, they define the duration of their ‘year’ by the
time of a certain movement of their planet in relation to
another definite cosmic concentration; that is to say, they
take that period in the course of which their planet, during
its movement—that is, during the processes of
’Falling’ and ‘Catching-up’—makes what is called its
’Krentonalnian-revolution’ in relation to its sun.
“It is similar to our reckoning of a ‘year’ for our planet
Karatas, which is the period of time between the nearest
approach of the sun ‘Samos’ to the sun ‘Selos’ and its next
similar approach.
“A hundred of such ‘years’ of theirs, the beings of the
Earth call a ‘century.’
“And they divide this ‘year’ of theirs into twelve parts
and each part they call a ‘month.’
“For the definition of the duration of this ‘month’ of
theirs, they take the time of that completed period during
which that larger fragment—which was separated from
their planet and which they now call Moon—makes, owing
to the same cosmic law of ‘Falling’ and ‘Catching-up,’
its full ‘Krentonalnian-revolution’ in relation to their
“It must be noticed that the twelve ‘Krentonalnian-revolutions’
of the said Moon do not correspond exactly
to a single ‘Krentonalnian-revolution’ of their planet
round its sun and therefore they have made some compromise
or other when calculating these months of theirs,
so that in the sum total these may correspond more or less
to reality.
“Further, they divide these months of theirs into thirty
’diurnities,’ or, as they usually say, ‘days.’
“And a diurnity they reckon as that span of time during
which their planet makes its ‘completed-rotation’ during
the actualizing of the said cosmic laws.
“Bear in mind, by the way, that they also say ‘it-is-day,’
when in the atmosphere of their planet—just as in general
on all the other planets on which, as I have already
told you, the cosmic process called ‘Ilnosoparnian’ is actualized—
that ‘Trogoautoegocratic’ process which we call
’kshtatsavacht’ periodically proceeds; and they also call
this cosmic phenomenon ‘daylight.’
“As regards the other process, the opposite one, which
we call ‘kldatzacht,’ they call it ‘night’ and refer to it as ‘it-is-
“And thus the three-brained beings breeding on the
planet Earth call the greatest period of the flow of time
‘century,’ and this ‘century’ of theirs consists of a hundred
“A ‘year’ has twelve ‘months.’
“A ‘month’ has an average of thirty ‘days,’ that is, diurnities.
“Further, they divide their diurnity into twenty-four
’hours’ and an ‘hour’ into sixty ‘minutes.’
“And a ‘minute’ they divide into sixty ‘seconds.’
“But as in general, my boy, you do not yet know of the
exceptional peculiarity of this cosmic phenomenon Time,
you must first be told that genuine Objective Science formulates
this cosmic phenomenon thus:
“Time in itself does not exist; there is only the totality
of the results ensuing from all the cosmic phenomena present
in a given place.
“Time itself, no being can either understand by reason
or sense by any outer or inner being-function. It cannot
even be sensed by any gradation of instinct which arises
and is present in every more or less independent cosmic
“It is possible to judge Time only if one compares real
cosmic phenomena which proceed in the same place and
under the same conditions, where Time is being constated
and considered.
“It is necessary to notice that in the Great Universe
all phenomena in general, without exception wherever
they arise and manifest, are simply successively law conformable
‘Fractions’ of some whole phenomenon which
has its prime arising on the ‘Most Holy Sun Absolute.’
“And in consequence, all cosmic phenomena, wherever
they proceed, have a sense of ‘objectivity.’
“And these successively law-conformable ‘Fractions’ are
actualized in every respect, and even in the sense of their
involution and evolution, owing to the chief cosmic law,
the sacred ‘Heptaparaparshinokh.’
“Only Time alone has no sense of objectivity because
it is not the result of the fractioning of any definite cosmic
phenomena. And it does not issue from anything,
but blends always with everything and becomes self sufficiently
independent; therefore, in the whole of the
Universe, it alone can be called and extolled as the
“Thus, my boy, uniquely Time alone, or, as it is sometimes
called, the ‘Heropass,’ has no source from which its
arising should depend, but like ‘Divine-Love’ flows always,
as I have already told you, independently by itself,
and blends proportionately with all the phenomena present
in the given place and in the given arisings of our
Great Universe.
“Again I tell you, you will be able clearly to understand
all that I have just told you only when, as I have already
promised you, I shall specially explain to you sometime
later all about the fundamental laws of World-creation
and World-maintenance.
“Meanwhile, remember this also, that since Time has
no source of its arising and cannot like all other cosmic
phenomena in every cosmic sphere establish its exact presence,
the already mentioned Objective Science therefore
has, for its examination of Time, a standard unit, similar
to that used for an exact definition of the density and
quality—in the sense of the vivifyingness of their vibrations—
of all cosmic substances in general present in every
place and in every sphere of our Great Universe.
“And for the definition of Time this standard unit has
from long ago been the moment of what is called the sacred
‘Egokoolnatsnarnian-sensation’ which always appears
in the Most Holy Cosmic Individuals dwelling on the
Most Holy Sun Absolute whenever the vision of our UNIBEING
ENDLESSNESS is directed into space and directly
touches their presences.
“This standard unit has been established in Objective
Science for the possibility of exactly defining and comparing
the differences between the gradations of the

processes of the subjective sensations of separate conscious
Individuals, and also of what are called ‘diverse-tempos’
among various objective cosmic phenomena which are
manifested in various spheres of our Great Universe and
which actualize all cosmic arisings both large and small.
“The chief particularity of the process of the flow of
Time in the presence of cosmic arisings of various scales
consists in this, that all of them perceive it in the same
way and in the same sequence.
“In order that you may meanwhile represent to yourself,
if only approximately, what I have just said, let us
take as an example the process of the flow of Time proceeding
in any drop of the water in that decanter standing
there on the table.
“Every drop of water in that decanter is in itself also a
whole independent world, a world of ‘Microcosmoses.’
“In that little world, as in other cosmoses, there also
arise and exist relatively independent infinitesimal ‘individuals’
or ‘beings.’
“For the beings of that infinitesimal world also, Time
flows in the same sequence in which the flow of Time is
sensed by all individuals in all other cosmoses. These infinitesimal
beings also, like the beings of cosmoses of
other ‘scales,’ have their experiences of a definite duration
for all their perceptions and manifestations; and, also, like
them, they sense the flow of Time by the comparison of
the duration of the phenomena around them.
“Exactly like the beings of other cosmoses, they are
born, they grow up, they unite and separate for what are
called ‘sex-results’ and they also fall sick and suffer, and
ultimately like everything existing in which Objective
Reason has not become fixed, they are destroyed forever.
“For the entire process of the existence of these infinitesimal
beings of this smallest world, Time of a definite
proportionate duration also ensues from all the surrounding
phenomena which are manifested in the given ’cosmic-scale.’
“For them also, Time of definite length is required for
the processes of their arising and formation as well as for
various events in the process of their existence up to their
complete final destruction.
“In the whole course of the process of existence of the
beings of this drop of water also, corresponding sequential
definite what are called ‘passages’ of the flow of Time
are also required.
“A definite time is required for their joys and for
their sorrows, and, in short, for every other kind of indispensable
being-experiencing, down to what are called
’runs-of-bad-luck,’ and even to ‘periods-of-thirst-for-self perfection.’
“I repeat, among them also, the process of the flow of
Time has its harmonious sequence, and this sequence ensues
from the totality of all the phenomena surrounding them.
“The duration of the process of the flow of Time is generally
perceived and sensed in the same way by all the
aforementioned cosmic Individuals and by the already
completely formed what are called ‘instinctivized’ units
but only with that difference which ensues from the difference
in the presences and states, at the given moment,
of these cosmic arisings.
“It must be noticed, however, my boy, that though for
separate individuals existing in any independent cosmic
unit, their definition of the flow of Time is not objective
in the general sense, yet nevertheless for them themselves
it acquires a sense of objectivity since the flow of Time is
perceived by them according to the completeness of their
own presence.
“The same drop of water which we have taken as an example
can serve for a clearer understanding of this thought of mine.
“Although in the sense of general Universal Objectivity,
the whole period of the process of the flow of Time in that
same drop of water is for the whole of it subjective, yet
for the beings existing in the drop of water itself, the said
given flow of Time is perceived by them as objective.
“For the clarification of this, those beings called
’hypochondriacs’ can serve, who exist among the three-brained
beings of the planet Earth which has taken your fancy.
“To these terrestrial hypochondriacs it very often seems
that Time passes infinitely slowly and long, and, as they
express themselves, ‘it-drags-phenomenally-tediously.’
“And so, exactly in the same way, it might also sometimes
seem to some of the infinitesimal beings existing in
that drop of water—assuming, of course, that there happen
to be such hypochondriacs among them—that Time
drags very slowly and ‘phenomenally-tediously.’
“But actually from the point of view of the sensation of
the duration of Time by your favorites of the planet
Earth, the whole length of the existence of the ‘beings-
Microcosmoses’ lasts only a few of their ‘minutes’ and
sometimes even only a few of their ‘seconds.’
“Now, in order that you may still better understand
Time and its peculiarities, we may as well compare your age
with the corresponding age of a being existing on that
planet Earth.
“And for this comparing of ours we too must take the
same standard unit of Time, which, as I have already told
you, Objective Science employs for such calculations.
“Bear in mind, first of all, that according to the data
about which you will also learn when I shall later have
specially explained to you the fundamental laws of World creation
and World-maintenance, it is also established
by the same Objective Science that in general all normal
three-brained beings, and amongst them certainly even
the beings arising on our planet Karatas, sense the sacred
’Egokoolnatsnarnian’ action for the definition of Time
forty-nine times more slowly than the same sacred action
is sensed by the sacred Individuals dwelling on the Most
Holy Sun Absolute.
“Consequently the process of the flow of Time for the
three-brained beings of our Karatas flows forty-nine times
more quickly than on the Sun Absolute, and thus it should
flow also for the beings breeding on the planet Earth.
“And it is also calculated that during the period of Time
in which the sun ‘Samos’ actualizes its nearest approach to
the sun ‘Selos,’ which period of the flow of Time is considered
a ‘year’ for the planet Karatas, the planet Earth actualizes
in relation to its Sun ‘Ors’ three hundred and
eighty-nine of its ‘Krentonalnian-revolutions.’
“From which it follows that our ‘year,’ according to the
conventionally objective time-calculation, is three hundred
and eighty-nine times longer than that period of
Time which your favorites consider and call their year.’
“It may not be without interest for you to know that
all these calculations were partly explained to me by the
Great Arch-Engineer of the Universe, His Measurability,
“He explained this to me when, on the occasion of the
first great misfortune to this planet Earth, he came to the
planet Mars as one of the sacred members of the third
Most Great Commission; and the captain of the transspace
ship Omnipresent, with whom I had several friendly
talks during that journey, also partly explained it to me
during my journey home.
“Now it must be further noticed that you, as a three-brained
being who arose on the planet Karatas, are at
the present time still only a boy of twelve years, and in respect
of Being and of Reason, you are exactly like a boy
of twelve on the planet Earth who has not yet been
formed and who is not yet cognizant of himself—through
which being-age all the three-brained beings arising there
also live during the process of their growing up to the Being
of a responsible being.
“All the ‘features’ of the whole of your psyche—what
are called your ‘character,’ ‘temperament,’ ‘inclinations,’
and, in short, all the particularities of your psyche which
are manifested exteriorly—are exactly the same as those of
a still immature and pliant three-brained being there of
the age of twelve years.
“And so, it follows from all that has been said that although
according to our time-calculations you are still
only like a boy of twelve there on the planet Earth who is
not yet formed and not yet cognizant of himself, yet according
to their subjective understanding and their being sensations
of the flow of Time, you have already existed
by their time-calculation, not twelve years but the whole
of four thousand six hundred and sixty-eight years.
“Thanks to all I have said, you will have material for the
clarification of certain of those factors which were later
the cause that the average proper normal duration of their
existence began gradually to diminish and that it has now
already become in the objective sense almost ‘nothing.’
“Strictly speaking, this gradual diminution of the average
length of the existence of the three-brained beings of
that ill-fated planet, which has finally brought the whole
of the duration of their existence to ‘nothing,’ did not
have one cause but many and very varied causes.
“And among these many and varied causes the first and
the chief one is of course that Nature had to adapt Herself
correspondingly gradually to change their presences to those
they now have.
“And concerning all the rest of the causes, Justice demands
that I should first of all emphasize that on that ill fated

planet these causes might never have arisen had that
first cause not occurred there, from which, at least in my
opinion, they all chiefly ensued, though of course very
“Concerning all this you will understand in the course
of further talks of mine about these three-brained beings,
and meanwhile I will tell you only of the first and chief
cause, namely, why and how Great Nature Herself was
compelled to take stock of their presences and to form
them into such new presences.
“You must first be told that there exist in the Universe
generally two ‘kinds’ or two ‘principles’ of the duration of
“The first kind or first ‘principle’ of being-existence,
which is called ‘Fulasnitamnian,’ is proper to the existence
of all three-brained beings arising on any planet of our
Great Universe, and the fundamental aim and sense of the
existence of these beings is that there must proceed
through them the transmutation of cosmic substances
necessary for what is called the ‘common-cosmic-
“And it is according to the second principle of being existence
that all one-brained and two-brained beings in
general exist wherever they may arise. ...
“And the sense and aim of the existence of these beings,
also, consist in this, that there are transmuted through
them the cosmic substances required not for purposes of
a common-cosmic character, but only for that solar system
or even only for that planet alone, in which and upon
which these one-brained and two-brained beings arise.
“In any case, for the further elucidation of the strangeness
of the psyche of those three-brained beings who
have taken your fancy, you must know this also, that
in the beginning,
after the organ Kundabuffer with all its
properties had been removed from their presences, the duration of their
existence was according to the ‘Fulasnitamnian’
principle, that is to say, they were obliged to
exist until there was coated in them and completely perfected
by reason what is called the ‘body-Kesdjan,’ or, as
they themselves later began to name this being-part of
theirs—of which, by the way, contemporary beings know
only by hearsay—the ‘Astral-body.’
“And so, my boy, when later, for reasons of which you
will learn in the course of my further tales, they began to
exist already excessively abnormally, that is to say, quite
unbecomingly for three-brained beings, and when in
consequence of this they had on the one hand ceased to
emanate the vibrations required by Nature for the
maintenance of the separated fragments of their planet,
and, on the other hand, had begun, owing to the chief peculiarity
of their strange psyche, to destroy beings of other
forms of their planet, thereby gradually diminishing the
number of sources required for this purpose, then Nature
Herself was compelled gradually to actualize the presences
of these three-brained beings according to the second
principle, namely, the principle ‘Itoklanoz,’ that is, to actualize
them in the same way in which She actualizes one-brained
and two-brained beings in order that the equilibrium of the
vibrations required according to quality
and quantity should be attained.
“As regards the meaning of the principle ‘Itoklanoz,’ I
shall also specially explain it to you sometime.
“And meanwhile remember, that although the fundamental
motives for the diminution of the duration of the existence
of the three-brained beings of this planet were from
causes not depending on them, yet nevertheless, subsequently,
the main grounds for all the sad results were—and
particularly now continue to be—the abnormal conditions
external ordinary being-existence established by them
themselves. Owing to these conditions the duration of
their existence has, down to the present time, continued
to become shorter and shorter, and now is already diminished
to such a degree that, at the present time, the difference

between the duration of the process of the
existence of the three-brained beings of other planets in
the whole of the Universe and the duration of the process
of the existence of the three-brained beings of the planet
Earth has become the same as the difference between the
real duration of their existence and the duration of the existence
of the infinitesimal beings in that drop of water we
took as an example.
“You now understand, my boy, that even the Most
Great Heropass of Time has also been compelled to actualize
obvious absurdities in the presences of these unfortunate
three-brained beings who arise and exist on this
ill-fated planet Earth.
“And thanks to all I have just explained to you, you can
put yourself in the position of and understand the although
merciless, yet always, and in everything, just Heropass.”
Having said these last words Beelzebub became silent;
and when he again spoke to his grandson, he said with a
heavy sigh:
“Ekh . . . my dear boy!
“Later when I shall have told you more about the three-brained
beings of that ill-fated planet Earth, you yourself
will understand and form your own opinion about everything.
“You yourself will very well understand that although
the fundamental causes of the whole chaos that now reigns
on that ill-fated planet Earth were certain ‘unforeseeingnesses,’
coming from Above on the part of various Sacred
Individuals, yet nevertheless the chief causes for the developing
of further ills are only those abnormal conditions
of ordinary
being-existence which they themselves gradually
established and which they continue to establish
down to the present time.
“In any case, my dear boy, when you learn more about
these favorites of yours, not only, I repeat, will you clearly
see how pitiably small the duration of the existence of
these unfortunates has gradually become in comparison
with that normal duration of existence which has already
long ago been established as a law for every kind of three-centered
being of the whole of our Universe, but you will
also understand that in these unfortunates, for the same
reasons, there has gradually begun to disappear and at the
present time are quite absent in them, any normal being-sensations
whatever concerning any cosmic phenomenon.
“Although the beings of that ill-fated planet arose, according
to conventionally objective time-reckoning, many
decades ago, not only have they not as yet any being-sensation
of cosmic phenomena such as it is proper to all
three-centered beings of the whole of our Universe to
have, but there is not in the Reason of these unfortunates
even an approximate representation of the genuine causes
of these phenomena.
“They have not an approximately correct representation
even of those cosmic phenomena that proceed on
their own planet round about them.”
Subpages (1): Ch 17